Of Trust and Secrets
by jewel2687
Summary: Based on 6x16 and the promo for 6x17. May contain spoilers. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Secrets chip away at that foundation. When Gabby's ex arrives at 51, he brings not only his secret but hers as well, and with them the potential to upend both her life and the firehouse. Is Gabby's foundation strong enough to survive?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Apologies for the sucky summary. So I probably shouldn't have written this, but since the promo for last week's episode, I started getting some ideas for a story playing off of the current plot. Then with the actual episode last week and the promo for this week, I got even more ideas, and spending yesterday writing this was a lot more appealing than cleaning my apartment. Wow, typing that out I feel like I grew into an irresponsible adult. I cooked dinner last night, that at least counts for something, right?

I'm digressing though. The point is this story is based on 6x16 The One That Matters Most, and I've pulled something from the promo for 6x17 Put White On Me. At least one of my ideas also comes from the press release for a future episode so depending on how long it takes me to write and post the rest of this, there may be more spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

I was originally thinking I could turn these ideas into a one shot, but as usual it it turned out to be way longer than I was expecting. I was aiming to have the whole story be not much longer than this first part. What can I say? I don't know how to be anything less than verbose. I really wanted to post something before what happens on Thursday makes this whole thing OBE. So between that and the fact that I'm not done yet, it is definitely not a one shot any more. At this point I picture this being probably a three part story, but we'll see. I'm trying to keep this from getting too crazy and taking too much attention away from Worth Fighting For.

I should mention that this first part isn't like what I typically write. It's very much pulled straight from the show with my adding thoughts and narrative to establish the background for this world I'm creating. No plagiarism or anything is intended. I just didn't think this would work so well if I started after the last episode. And I added in a few extra Dawsey scenes. Things that I'd like to imagine happened and that we just didn't get to see them.

I think that does it for me so enjoy, and when you get to the end, please let me know what you think.

* * *

Chapter One

Gabby leaned against the doorway to Matt's office, waiting for him before shift started. Cruz had called last night, worried after Otis seemed to have trouble feeling and moving his toes. After getting off the phone, they'd decided that as Otis's captain, Matt would go see him before shift this morning. Gabby had wanted to join him, but they'd been concerned that they could overwhelm Otis, that if too many people showed up he'd see it as them being worried and worry even more so she'd reluctantly sent Matt off on his own this morning.

"Hey, how's Otis?" Gabby asked as she saw him approaching. When he reached her, she handed him a cup of coffee and a bagel, knowing he hadn't had breakfast at home.

"Thanks," Matt offered her a small smile as he took the food before answering her question.

"They don't know what's going on yet," he explained as he sat down on his bed and motioned for his wife to join him. "They're running tests this morning, and Dr. Choi has a plan. As Hermann and I told Otis, we just have to trust that they'll figure this out and think positively."

"Hermann was there?" Gabby questioned. Maybe she could have gone with Matt this morning after all.

"Yeah," Matt replied as he took a bite of his bagel. "He didn't know how about the numbness or anything. Just wanted to stop by before shift."

"You think Otis would like it if Brett and I stopped by when we're at Med today?" she figured Matt would have some read on Otis's mood.

"I'm sure he would," Matt answered.

They sat in silence for a minute, Matt eating and Gabby just looking at him. Her thoughts were on Otis, but she wasn't blind to what appeared to be going on with Matt.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" she asked.

"Just thinking about how shift is going to go. The floater who's going to be filling in for Otis is starting today. No one's going to want this guy here, not with everything that's happened. It would be one thing if this guy was filling in while Otis had the flu or something, but with Otis getting shot, nearly dying, and now maybe being paralyzed, everyone is going to resent the guy. We haven't exactly had the best luck with floaters, and now this. Whole thing is just one big powder keg," Matt explained. It did feel good to get it off his chest.

"And you will handle it like you always do. You're a great captain Matt. I'm not just saying that because I love you. I saw it, I experienced it, when I was on Truck. You're a good leader, and your men will gladly follow you. They respect you so you set the tone, you let them know that as much as this whole thing sucks, they need to be professional, and they will be. I have complete faith in you," she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "You're gonna make me proud today. I know you are."

Matt simply offered her a small smile in response.

"Roll call will be starting in a couple minutes. We should get going," Matt took the last sip of his coffee.

"After you Captain," Gabby teased.

Matt did get off the bed though. He threw his coffee cup and the bag from the bagel in the trash and paused, waiting for Gabby. Getting off the bed, she followed him out of his office. They walked together through the bunk room and towards the briefing room, trying to distract themselves from everything that was going on.

Gabby stood next to Matt while Boden made his announcements. She hadn't been looking for the floater, and she didn't notice him standing there by the Chief; she didn't really want whoever the guy was here anymore than the rest of the house. She understood why Matt had been worried about how the house would react. To her, this guy represented what had happened to Otis. She imagined that was true for the rest of the house too. Still, she was not going to let this get out of control for her husband. She'd support him as he dealt with however this went. She would put her resentment aside, put on a fake smile, and welcome some stranger into 51 for a few shifts for Matt and because deep down she knew it was the right thing to do. It didn't mean they cared about Otis any less.

Her lack of awareness came back to bite her when Boden did introduce the floater. She was completely caught off guard at the sight of the familiar face standing there. She knew they both worked for the CFD and that meant there was a chance they'd run into each other from time to time despite the fact that as far as she knew they worked on opposite sides of the city and were unlikely to wind up on the same call. But she certainly hadn't expected to find herself working in the same house with him again. Last she'd heard of him, which was admittedly years ago, he was firmly entrenched at Firehouse 129, and she'd never imagined he'd wind up a floater. If anything, she thought he'd rise up the ranks. He must have done something to really piss someone off.

"Gabby Dawson," Jake Cordova, the floater, said with a smile as he approached her.

Despite his outward appearance, on the inside he was a little tentative. He wasn't quite sure how she'd react to him, and honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if she decked him. She had last time they'd seen each other, and she'd always been hot headed. He hoped that hadn't changed over the years. Her hot headed nature had been so different from Diana's calm demeanor, and he'd found it intriguing back when they first met. It was one of the first things that attracted him to her. That and the fact that on her first day at 129, he'd walked into the locker room unaware that she'd gotten puked on during her first call and needed to change. She'd never known he'd walked in while her chest was covered in nothing but a blue lace bra that barely covered anything. Little Jake had really liked the sight of it though, and by the end of that shift he was determined to have her.

Looking at her now, he couldn't help but think that she was even more beautiful than he remembered. Once she was out of his life, he'd tried not to think about her, but he'd failed, especially after his divorce. As things started to fall apart with Diana, he'd come to think he'd only married her because while Gabby had found out about Diana, Diana had never found out about Gabby. Thus, Gabby became the one that got away, and he found himself thinking about her more and more, wondering how different his life would be if he'd made different choices back then. Now here she was standing in front of him. It was as if fate was giving him a second chance, and he was going to seize it. He'd have to do everything he could to make sure this wasn't just some other temporary assignment. He needed to stay at 51. Not just because he needed something permanent if he was going to rebuild his career, but because he knew it would take time to get her back in his bed.

"Hey. Good to see you again Cordova," Gabby replied as she put on a smile and acted like she was glad to see him. With everything that was going on, she figured they'd get through these couple of shifts easier if the guys didn't have another reason to hate him.

Truth be told though, she wasn't really sure how she felt in this moment. She would have been perfectly happy never seeing him again, but she found that after all this time, the anger she felt towards him had dulled significantly. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised by that. He hadn't been more than a fleeting thought for years, and she was really happy. Her life had turned out for the best, and she wouldn't have this life if they'd actually worked out. What she did know though was that she felt a perverse form of pleasure when she noticed he wasn't wearing a wedding ring. She'd kept in touch with one of the medics at 129 who'd supervised her training shifts. While the woman had no idea that anything had happened between Gabby and Jake, about a year after she'd ended things with him, the woman had mentioned that he and Diana were engaged. She was glad to see that either the engagement or marriage hadn't worked out. It wasn't that she wanted him back. Even if she wasn't very happily married, she wouldn't want him back. Not after what he'd done to her and especially what he'd done to Diana. She couldn't imagine any circumstance where she'd want to be his girlfriend again, maybe not even his friend. It was more that after all that, she didn't think he deserved a happy ending, and while she'd never met Diana, she had to imagine the woman deserved better.

Feeling Matt's eyes on her, she knew he was wondering how she knew the floater.

"We worked together for a few shifts when I was right out of training," she explained. It may not be the whole truth, but it was still true. She told herself it was okay to leave it at that. She wasn't about to reveal her dirty laundry in front of the whole house, and Matt wouldn't want her to. Besides, their relationship wasn't a big deal. They'd ended long ago, and she certainly didn't still have feelings for the guy. That had ended the moment she'd found out the truth. And he was probably only going to be here for a few days. Then he'd be out of her life again.

* * *

"So what can you tell us about the floater?" Brett asked as she, Gabby, and Casey sat at the long table in the common room right after he'd walked into the room. While they hadn't seen much so far, Cordova certainly seemed to be rubbing people the wrong way, but she couldn't be sure how much of it was the circumstances that surrounded his arrival and how much of it was him.

"Ummm…he's a good guy from what I remember. Bit of a cowboy," Gabby replied because she figured it was the right thing to say. She knew he was a good firefighter. Maybe she should have just said that, but she didn't want to contribute to the tension. The more she played her response over in her head though, the more she decided it was most likely true. Sure, he'd turned out to be a lousy boyfriend, but she had no reason to believe the things that had attracted her to him in the first place were an act. The man she'd liked had been real. She believed that, and as long as it was true, he was a good guy.

Her eyes drifted towards Matt. Sure, they'd had their problems over the years, but he had been a good boyfriend. He was a good husband, and he was definitely a good guy. He was the complete package, and he was hers. When she had all that, was there really any point to holding onto a grudge from the past? If Jake wasn't here, what happened between them wouldn't be taking any of her energy so why waste energy on it now? Her energy would be better spent on the people she actually cared about. She decided she'd forget their past and try to make sure he felt welcome at 51 for however long he was here.

* * *

"So you two are married?" Jake asked as he stood next to Gabby, getting lunch, after 51 returned from the hospital. He'd heard rumblings about their union this morning and needed it confirmed so he knew what exactly he was dealing with. He just hoped it came off as him checking in with an old acquaintance.

"Yeah. Yeah. We got hitched a year ago," Gabby was beaming as she turned towards Matt and discovered a smile that matched her own. It may have been a little over a year, but there was a part of her that still couldn't believe that this was her life and Matt Casey was actually her husband. That didn't make her feel any less proud or happy to acknowledge it though.

"Guess they weren't kidding when they said the gang at 51 is close," Jake tried to play it off, act like he didn't really care, like the words didn't fill him with jealously and resentment. Here was Captain Casey, acting all high and mighty, not giving him anything meaningful to do. That guy had not just the career that should have been his, but the girl that should have been his. It was completely unfair. He was one of the best; he should have been fast tracked. He would have been if it hadn't been for one mistake, and it wasn't even his fault. How was he supposed to know that the woman he'd met at a bar one night five years ago, the woman who Diana had caught him with, was a week away from marrying the deputy fire commissioner's son. One day he was on the verge of making lieutenant and the next he was being told he'd supposedly failed the exam and was getting bounced from 129 and into the floater pool for some made up infraction. None of that would have happened if he'd just had Gabby. He wouldn't have felt a need to get well his needs met elsewhere. He didn't have Gabby though. Casey did, and he decided he hated him for it. Well, that and not taking him seriously when he'd asked not to be sidelined next time. He promised he'd knock the captain down a few pegs before he was done here.

It hurt a little. Part of him had been expecting her to say no, that he'd misunderstood. It's not that he'd been expecting her to wait all this time for him, especially when she was the one to end it, but it took away the fantasy that she saw something in him, that she felt enough for him, that she cast away her criteria for him. He'd had to ask her out four times over the two weeks she was doing her training shifts at 129 before she said yes. The first three she'd turned him down claiming that she had no interest in workplace romances. He'd believed her, especially when she'd finally said yes on her last day even if she'd claimed she was only agreeing to the date to get him to stop asking her. And it's not like that had been their only date or the end of it. In fact, on their third date, she'd admitted that the fact that they both worked for the CFD made her a little nervous. It had worked to his advantage though when it gave him grounds to suggest they keep their relationship secret. He'd assumed that once she'd ended things with him, she'd kept her romantic life out of the CFD, but she'd clearly either no longer held that view or made an exception for Casey.

It didn't concern him though. Sure, the fact that she was married complicated things, but it was an obstacle he knew he'd be able to overcome. He'd still get her back. She hadn't been able to resist him the first time and he couldn't imagine she'd be able to now.

* * *

"Don't take it personally," Gabby told Jake. Chief had just informed everyone that Otis needed at least two months of rehab before he could be reinstated and that Cordova was now on 81. The house had understandably not reacted well, but she felt bad for the guy. This was not an easy situation to walk into. Things would have probably gone more smoothly if someone else had been here for a few shifts before he took over, like when Brett took Shay's spot or Mills took Andy Darden's, but it was what it was.

"I know. I'm sorry about Otis," he said, taking note of how Gabby was sticking up for him. That had to be a good sign so he turned back towards her. Before he could say anything else though, Casey was clearing his throat and standing up.

"Okay. Before we start feeling sorry for ourselves, let's remember, this could have been a lot worse. Otis is okay so let's just be thankful for that. And I know it hurts to see him laid up like this cause we're a family," Casey began.

Jake listened, trying to act like he cared. He didn't though. What he cared about was the look of pride and encouragement that filled Gabby's face as her husband spoke, a look he wished was directed at him. There was definitely a sense of jealousy building within him.

"My point is Otis isn't going to be around for a while so we need to make sure we show up, give 100%...and make sure we show up and give 100%," Casey started to stumble and Jake had to do everything he could not to smirk.

"You said that already," Cruz pointed out.

"Yeah I did…what really matters," Casey turned to Boden for help, unable to finish the speech.

Now Jake was full on smiling inside. This guy wasn't all that. How much competition could he really be? He was too caught up in his own glee to notice that the look of love never left Gabby's eyes.

* * *

The pizza had yet to arrive when Gabby saw Matt head out of the bullpen and past the common room. Wanting to talk to him, she got up from her spot at the table and followed him. She was about to call out to him when he passed the bathrooms and turned the corner. Realizing he was likely heading towards his office, she figured she'd wait and just join him there. They could speak more privately in there anyways.

When she reached Matt's office, she found him sitting in his chair and picking up his pen. He must have just sat down.

"Hey," she called as she walked into his office.

"Hi," Matt smiled as he looked up and dropped his pen.

"I'm proud of you," Gabby said as she leaned against his desk.

"For what?" Matt wasn't following.

"For what you said in there, the way you stepped up to calm things down after Chief's announcement. Things could have gotten ugly," she explained.

"Cause I did such a great job. Couldn't even figure out what to say in the end. If I didn't know the guys so well, I would have thought I was making a fool of myself," he protested.

"Hey, there is no way anyone, even if it wasn't just the guys, would have thought you made a fool of yourself," Gabby took his hand. "So you stumbled a little towards the end. Everyone appreciated what you said and that you were trying to rally everyone. I know they did. You started off strong, and you'll get the hang of it. Hopefully, there won't be a lot if situations that call for someone to give a speech like that, but eventually you will get the hang of it. I'm sure of it. I mean you manage to find the right thing to say to me all the time. How much harder can it be to find the right thing to say to a room full of our friends?"

"A lot harder than you'd think," Matt muttered.

"Seeing you step up and give it your best, it's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You deserve that white shirt Matt. I know you're harder on yourself than anyone else so I want you to know that I am so proud of Captain Casey. For today, for how you've handled everything since Otis got shot and before that, since your promotion. This house is really lucky to have you," Gabby insisted.

"Thanks babe," Matt replied. "And thanks for how you've handled everything with Cordova. It's good to see some of the house extending a hand. I know you know him so that probably makes it easier to be welcoming."

"I _knew_ him. It's been a long time since I've seen or spoken to him," Gabby said. This was her opening. Her chance to explain her past with Cordova. Matt had a right to know, especially since the guy would be sticking around. He wouldn't be a big fan of Cordova after what she had to say, but he wouldn't treat him differently on shift simply because of it, especially not when he needed to focus on getting Cordova integrated into Truck 81. At 51 at least, he'd be professional and put the personal grudge he would likely hold aside. He was too good of a leader not to. And she certainly didn't want him finding out from someone else. Keeping things from each other had always led to trouble between them, and she was determined not to go down that road again. She just wasn't quite sure how to say it so she was in the midst of contemplating where to begin when they were interrupted by a voice in the bunkroom.

"Kelly," Kidd called. Severide must have headed into his own office at some point as well. As far as Gabby knew he'd been at the Squad Table with the rest of his men when she'd left the common room. "Pizza's here."

"Guess we should go get food," Matt commented as he started to get up.

"Guess so," Gabby replied as she realized her opportunity had slipped away. At least it gave her time to figure out what to tell Matt.

* * *

"Hey," Gabby approached Jake as he was leaving. One thing she'd decided as shift wore on was that she should probably give him a heads up that she was going to tell Matt about their shared past. She'd been putting it off, not sure how that conversation was going to go, but she was determined to tell Matt before next shift so it was now or never.

"Hey there," he replied as he turned around, glad to see that she was interested in talking to him even though shift was over. Add that to the list of signs that she wasn't just trying to be a nice coworker, that she hadn't written him off.

"So here's the thing…ummm…I didn't tell Casey yet cause you were only gonna be here for a couple shifts so what's the point, but now that you're sticking around for a while I need to say something," she explained.

"You tell him now that's gonna make it even harder for me to get a fair shake at 51," Jake figured that was true enough. In two shifts he'd seen the bond in this group, and he had no doubt that once people knew, they wouldn't just hold the fact that he'd taken Otis's spot against him, but they'd hold what he'd done to Gabby against him too. The fact that Gabby had seemingly put it all behind her wouldn't really matter to her friends. As for the Captain, he'd especially have it out for him. If someone else had hurt Gabby the way he had, he'd want to make them suffer. There was no reason to think her husband would feel any differently. Maybe he'd get somewhere if she was his only ally, but there was no guarantee that would be how it played out. What's more he figured there was more upside to her keeping silent.

"Jake, I'm not gonna lie," she protested. That was his department, not hers.

"I'm not asking you to, but at least give me a couple of shifts to prove myself as a firefighter. Then you can tell him whatever you want," he tried to play it off. He'd probably have to come up with some other reason in a week or so to get her to put it off again, but at least he'd hopefully bought some time while letting her think he wasn't asking a lot. Truth was he wanted her to keep this from her husband and not just because of his own career. It would probably be easier to steal Casey's wife if the man had no reason to even suspect that was what he was after, and if it somehow did come out, the longer Gabby stayed silent, the more likely it was to drive a wedge between them. Then he'd be able to pick up the pieces, pretending to be just a friend at first of course, as the couple fell apart. Maybe if things weren't progressing fast enough in a month or so, he'd find some other way to get the news to Casey.

Gabby was silent as she thought it over. Her instincts told her that this was a bad idea. She was about to say so, but it seemed Jake took her silence for agreement.

"Thanks," he said before turning and heading out.

Now Gabby felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She'd apparently unintentionally promised to wait to tell Matt, and she wasn't a fan of breaking promises even if it was to Jake. She was one of the only people trying to be on his side so far. Would he feel like he was alone here if he felt betrayed by her? Did he even have a right to feel betrayed by her after what he had done to her? She certainly didn't owe him anything. If she owed anyone anything in this situation, it was Matt. He was her husband. She loved him. Those were the two most important facts in all of this. Trust, honesty, and openness were important parts of any relationship. That was one of the lessons of their broken engagement from several years ago. So was waiting to tell still lying? There had to be reason her instincts had told her to say no, and she would have said no if Jake had given her the chance. He'd misunderstood. How much weight did that get in all of this?

* * *

Jake paused for a moment outside Molly's. He'd never been here before. Sure, he'd been tempted over the years. After Diana left, he'd often thought about coming here and seeing Gabby, maybe being able to rekindle things with her. He'd always chickened out though. Not wanting to see how she'd react to his presence because he figured there were three options. She'd be glad to see him, and he'd actually have a chance. She wouldn't give a damn about him and would just see him as another customer. Or she'd still be filled with anger, and while that meant she still cared, considering how much time had passed, it also probably meant that she would never forgive him. He'd always been afraid of walking in on the last two and discovering that he would never again have a chance. Now though he realized there was a fourth scenario though that he'd never actually considered, that she'd be happy with someone else. From what he'd seen over the past two shifts, he was pretty sure it was a combination of that scenario and the first one he'd walked in on. Apparently, he should have come in years ago. Then maybe he wouldn't have a husband/boss to contend with.

Now though coming to Molly's served his purposes. It would help him ingratiate himself into 51, and hopefully, it would allow him to start taking on a role in Gabby's life beyond coworker. There was no way she'd ever leave her husband for him if he couldn't earn her trust and respect back. So he opened the door and walked into the bar. Looking around, he decided that it was a pretty nice place. Not that he'd expect anything less with Gabby as one of the owners.

His gaze quickly drifted towards Gabby though. She was standing behind the bar, her head thrown back in laughter. It was a truly gorgeous sight. At least until he noticed the person sitting in front of her, the person who had likely caused that laughter. Casey. He felt bile build in the back of his throat at the thought of a happy moment between the couple. He may not know how exactly he was going to split them up yet, but he could at least stop whatever was before him from continuing.

He took a deep breath and headed towards the bar, stopping when he was practically leaning over Casey and figured Gabby had a good view.

"Cordova," Gabby looked up surprised. This was yet another place she hadn't been expecting to see the man. She didn't think he'd ever been here before. Although she supposed if he was going to be at 51 for a while, he probably figured it made sense to hang out here and get to know the guys off shift. She wasn't thrilled by it, but there was probably no reason to worry. It's not like he was going to tell Matt. He'd made clear earlier that he'd prefer if Matt didn't know yet after all.

The thing was she hadn't told Matt yet either, and now here Jake was, not just a coworker but someone who was socializing with them. It wasn't that she hadn't tried to tell Matt. By the time she'd gotten home, she'd decided that she hadn't really promised Cordova anything so there was no reason to even consider keeping this from Matt any longer, and there were several occasions throughout the day where she had intended to tell him. The problem was every time she'd found an opening in their conversation or was about to ask him to sit down so they could talk and she could tell him, she hadn't been able to get the words out. She tried to justify it by telling herself that she still didn't know what exactly she should say, but that felt like a feeble excuse. Truthfully, she was beginning to wonder if she really wanted to tell Matt. When she did, she knew she wouldn't lie to him about it and tell him the same half truth that she'd told everyone else. She'd be completely honest about the whole situation, and she'd never been completely honest about it with anyone. When the whole thing had gone down, she'd been too ashamed. Then time passed and she had no reason to talk about it let alone correct the story. Was she now too embarrassed by it to tell Matt? Was there a part of her that was worried he'd judge her or see her differently? She had complete faith in his love for her, but the longer she put off telling him, the more she began to wonder.

"Dawson, Casey," Cordova greeted in return pulling Gabby's thoughts out of her own misgivings.

"Hi," Matt added.

"What can I get you?" Gabby asked, reminding Cordova that she was the bartender and not just standing there for him to ogle at.

He ordered a beer and just as he was about to sit down next to Casey, he heard an unexpected and familiar voice.

"Cordova, that you?" the voice belonged to Atkins, a firefighter out of Firehouse 26, the last place he'd been as a floater where he thought he had a shot at a permanent spot. He'd spent a little over a month there about a year and a half ago, and as he recalled the men from the firehouse often hung out here. In fact, he'd turned down several invitations to come with them to Molly's, and he'd told them the reason why. Of course, he had never mentioned when he was with Gabby, and the guys didn't know he was divorced so Atkins would have only been able to make a completely wild guess as to the timeline.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied.

"I thought you didn't come here cause you used to date on of the owners," Atkins said as he approached.

"Yeah, well, I'm over all that," he lied.

Meanwhile, Gabby tensed as she saw the look of shock and hurt that crossed Matt's face. She knew that was enough for him to put the pieces together, it's not like Hermann or Otis or Shay would have been his ex and Molly's hadn't had any other owner, at least not while it had been Molly's, and she silently cursed. She cursed Atkins for spilling the beans. She cursed Jake for coming here in the first place and admitting he'd dated her; Atkins wouldn't have said anything if Jake hadn't done both of those things. You'd think he wouldn't have gone around telling people that considering the circumstances. Most of all though she cursed herself for chickening out and not telling Matt earlier when she had the chance. Now he'd heard it from someone else.

"I…I just remembered I need to pick up some supplies for my job tomorrow," Matt stammered. The look on Gabby's face told him that not only had she indeed dated Cordova at some point but also that she'd chosen not to tell him. In fact, she'd lied about their history, claiming she only knew him from working a few shifts with him. That combined with the fact that Cordova had been avoiding this place because of Gabby had him thinking that it wasn't just some fling either. It must have been pretty serious. Now the man was back in her life, working with both of them, and she'd kept it from him. What did that mean? He thought she was being nice to Cordova on shift because that's who she was and she was trying to make things easier not just for Cordova but for him. Now though he wondered if there was more to it. Regardless, Molly's was beginning to feel stuffy. He needed air and to get away from all this so he was going to leave.

"Matt," Gabby reached for him, but he didn't pause or turn. He pulled away and just kept walking.

"Matt," she called again to no effect. With that though she was quickly out from behind the bar and following him out the door. She wasn't just going to let him walk away. She was going to do everything she could to stop it.

When she reached his truck, he was opening the door.

"Matt," she tried again. She sounded desperate, but she didn't care. Unfortunately, it didn't help as he continued to ignore her, getting in his truck and driving off.

"Damn it," she called as she watched him round a corner. This was not how any of this was supposed to happen.

* * *

Author's Note: So? Thoughts?


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Wow. I don't think any of my stories or chapters have gotten so many views or visitors in less than a week so huge thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed, or even just peeked into to this story. Glad to see I'm not the only one who wanted to explore how this thing could have gone down.

I felt so bad for both Matt and Gabby on Thursday, but glad they seemed to work it out in the end. Was it just me though or was the lighting off when they showed Gabby's arms against Matt's back at the end? Her left hand looked so much lighter than her right that at first I thought it was Matt's hand, but he would have had to somehow awkwardly wrap his hand back around to his back and he would have had to have three hands since they also showed both of his hands on her back. Unless they shot the embrace a few different ways and edited it together strangely.

Anyways, this is my take on fitting part of the episode into my world. Once again it was not intended to be its own chapter, not even half of a chapter, but as it got longer and longer, I decided it would work well on its own. At this point, I have no idea how many chapters this is going to be, but I still want to keep this as a shorter story, definitely not the sort of long term venture I have going with Worth Fighting For. And Coconut, unfortunately I do not have most the story written. When I published on Monday, I had the first scene of this chapter written but nothing more, and I now have the first 1500ish words of the next chapter written but nothing more. I do have pretty much the whole plot outlined in my head, but I'm apparently fleshing it out a lot a more when I turn it into words on a computer screen. And at this point, while this story is flowing really well, I'm thinking it makes sense to split my attention between this story and Worth Fighting For so that I hopefully go months without an update there again.

That's all I have for now so sit back, relax, enjoy, and when you get to the end, please let me know what you thought.

* * *

Chapter Two

Gabby stayed rooted to her spot until Matt's truck was out of sight and then for a couple extra minutes while she tried to collect herself. Matt had taken a left at the first light just like he'd do if he was going home. He wouldn't have turned for a couple more blocks if he was going to Severide's. While that didn't necessarily mean he was going home and not somewhere else to get drunk, she took it as a good sign. She didn't believe for a minute that having to pick something up for his construction job tomorrow was anything more than an excuse to leave, not when he didn't have to be there until the afternoon.

"Hermann," she called as she returned inside.

"Yeah," he looked up from where he was standing behind the bar.

"Something's come up. Can you handle everything on your own tonight?" Gabby asked. She just wanted to go home and hopefully see Matt, to explain and try to get him to listen to her. It was clear he'd been more than hurt when he'd left, and all she cared about right now was being able to make things right.

"Sure," Hermann replied. It was pretty busy, and he suspected he'd come to regret it later, but while he'd been on the other side of the room, he'd heard what had been said earlier. He was pretty sure the whole bar had, and judging by what had happened next, he was pretty sure he knew what was going on so of course he wasn't going to stand in the way. They were both his friends, and he was pretty sure that if they hadn't worked things out in a few days, and his captain showed up for work in a bad mood, it wasn't going to be a fun shift.

"Thanks," Gabby called as headed to the back room to grab her bag and coat before heading home.

Watching her walk away, Jake couldn't help but smile before turning to talk to Atkins. This may not have been how he intended things to go, but it looked like it may just work out in his favor. Sure things might get a little more difficult for him at 51 now that Casey knew the truth. Considering that he hated the fact that Casey knew what Gabby looked like naked, Casey must be feeling the same way about him right now. And before long Casey would probably know exactly why Gabby had left him. All of that was going to count against him, but things were already difficult for him at 51. No one other than Gabby seemed to want him there.

And considering the look on Casey's face as he'd processed what Atkins had said and the way he'd stormed out of here. The fact that Gabby had returned alone and now leaving, indicating that Casey had truly left. Those were all good signs. Gabby may have kept their past from her husband for less than a week, but it was enough. The cracks in their relationship were relationship were already forming. That was worth celebrating.

"Let me buy you a drink," he offered Atkins.

* * *

When Gabby pulled into the parking lot outside her apartment building, she was relieved to see Matt's truck parked in it's usual spot. She pulled into her own spot and then headed inside.

"Matt," she called as she walked into their apartment. The lights were on so it didn't look like he had simply dropped his truck off and then left again. Only just like at Molly's, she didn't get any response.

"Matt," she tried again to no avail as she got further into the apartment.

When she made it to the living room, she finally saw him. If she hadn't already figured out that she screwed up in keeping silent, she would have definitely known it now. He was sitting on the couch, beer in hand, and staring off into space. She couldn't tell if he was actually drinking the beer or just holding it.

"Hey," she said as she tentatively approached. Matt didn't acknowledge her though, and she wasn't sure if he was so lost in he thought he wasn't hearing or if he was just determined to ignore her. Sitting down she, tried to take his free hand in hers, but he shook her off. Definitely ignoring her.

Taking a deep breath, she prepared to speak. On the drive home, she had tried to figure out what she was going to say. When that failed, she decided that she had no choice but to just speak and let everything come out however it came out. Beyond the fact that he was clearly pissed at her, she had no idea what Matt made of the fact that she and Cordova had dated. She didn't even know what sort of scenarios were running through his head or how he'd interpreted Atkins's comment. But he knew there was more to her history with Jake than she'd admitted to so she had to tell him everything. There was no more putting it off, no more hiding from her past.

"Can we talk?" she asked.

"What's there to talk about?" Matt retorted. "I know exactly what's going on. The floater's your ex, something I deserved to know, and you chose not to tell me. Not just that that. You chose to lie to me about your history with him. If you hadn't, you would have said something before I found out from some stranger."

"I didn't lie. We did work several shifts together when I was finishing up my training. I just," she paused and then sighed. "I just. I held something back, and I shouldn't have. I know that now, but when you first met him, that wasn't the place to say it."

"Cause there's really much of a difference, especially when you had plenty of chances to say something," Matt protested. "And your relationship was obviously a big deal. Why else would he have always avoided Molly's because of you? If someone you had a serious relationship with is going to be in our lives and work for me, I think I have a right to know what's going on there."

"Trust me it wasn't serious or a big deal. It was barely a blip. And if he really was avoiding Molly's because of me, I'm sure he was just worried I'd punch him again," Gabby started to explain.

"And I could tell there was something more there. I'm sure that's why he was avoiding Molly's," it wasn't clear if Matt was trying to argue against what she'd just said or if he hadn't really heard it. "The way he greeted you. How he was looking at you. But I figured if there really was something there, you would have said something, that you would have had the decency and respect to be honest with me. I trusted you so when you didn't, I figured I was just imagining things. Guess I was a fool. Should have just listened to my instincts. Won't make that mistake again."

"Of course you can trust me Matt," Gabby said, but the look Matt was giving her indicated that at least in the moment, he didn't believe her. "Matt, you, this," she held up her wedding ring, "That's everything to me. You have to know that I would never intentionally keep something important from you or do something that would hurt you. I know I screwed up here and that I did those things, and I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what you did or sorry that you got caught?" Matt asked angrily.

Gabby was taken aback by his words and his tone. She knew she'd hurt him, but she had never expected this reaction. In all the years they'd been together, all the fights they'd had, she could count on one hand the times he'd lashed out at her like this. He shut down. He ran a way. They both did if she was being honest, but they rarely acted with such venom. It hit her hard to realize just how deeply she had hurt him.

"All of it. I'm sorry I sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry you found out the way you did, and I'm sorry that those things hurt you the way they did. If I could go back and change things, I would," she admitted. "I can't though. All I can do is try to make this right, and I'll do whatever it takes because nothing it more important. I'll keep saying that. I'll keep saying I'm sorry. I'll keep saying whatever you need me to say for however long it takes.

"You have to know that there is absolutely nothing between Cordova and me. There hasn't been in a long time if there ever really was in the first place," she continued. "And my not telling you about what happened between us has absolutely nothing to do with me and him or you and me. It's about me, and only me. I've never told anyone the real story about what happened between the two of us, and I figured I never would. I was hoping I would never have to, and I knew I couldn't just tell you part of the story or what I told everyone else. If I told you, it was going to have to be the whole truth. It was all or nothing, and I didn't mean to choose nothing. I kept intending to tell you, but every time I tried I just couldn't. I don't really know why. If I was worried about how you'd react or if I'm still too ashamed about the whole thing to be able to talk about it or if after being silent for so long I just don't know how. None of that matters now because I finally see that it doesn't matter how hard it is for me, I need to get the words out. I'm going to do whatever I have to in order to just force the words out, no matter how long it takes. If I have to sit here all night trying to tell you everything, that's what I'll do. I just hope you'll listen.

"Here goes," she paused and took a deep breath. "I first met Cordova when I was doing the training shifts to finish up my CFD paramedic certification. I spent two weeks with second watch on Ambulance 30 out of Firehouse 129. Cordova was a second or third year firefighter on Truck there. Not really sure which. We got to talking on my first shift, and we must have hit it off because when I came back for the next shift, he pulled me aside and asked me out. I turned him down. He asked me out several more times until I finally agreed to a date just to get him to stop asking me. I had a good time though and wound up agreeing to a second date a few days later and then a third. Before I knew it, we were seeing each other practically every day we weren't on shift. Well, every weekday at least. I was having a lot of fun. I liked him, or at least who I thought he was. I never reached the point where I thought I was in love with him, but I stupidly thought the relationship actually had the potential to get there. The whole thing lasted I think about two months. It was so long ago, and it didn't end well. The specifics aren't something I've really remembered. The point is it wasn't some big, long-term, grand love story. Until he showed up at 51, I'm not even sure when the last time I thought of him was. I figured he was out of my life for good. I wanted it that way.

"Then when he did show up, I was caught off guard. I didn't know what to say or how I should react so I just tried to play it cool. Things were already so tense. We were all so worried about Otis. Everyone already hated Cordova simply because he's not Otis. You were concerned about how things were going to go before you even met the guy. If I said everything, that would have just given people another reason to hate him."

"That's an excuse for not telling the everyone. Not a reason not to have hold me," Matt finally said something. "Whatever happened between the two of you wasn't the house's business, but it was mine."

"I know. I should have pulled you aside and told you everything," Gabby replied. "Instead I told myself that it wasn't a big deal. That he was only going to be here for a few shifts, and then he'd be gone. He wasn't really part of our lives, and if that was true then some minor fling from over a decade ago didn't matter. I was convinced the whole thing wasn't a big deal so what was the point in bringing it up? Maybe I was just trying to justify not telling you."

"Quit making excuses Gabby. If things were reversed, if Brett was out and you got partnered with my ex, wouldn't you have expected me to tell you, no matter how short or long the relationship was or how long she was going to be there?" Matt countered.

"I'm not trying to make excuses for why I didn't tell you. I'm trying to explain that I was making excuses not to tell you when he first showed up. And I'm not saying that it was right. It obviously wasn't, but you need to understand where I was coming from," Gabby argued.

"If you're not making excuses, you're at least stalling," Matt pointed out.

"Maybe I am. I told you that this wasn't going to be easy for me to say and that I didn't know how to say any of it," she really hoped he wasn't about to walk away. "I thought I was over all of it. I mean between when I ended things with him and when we got together the first time, I had several relationships that were a lot more meaningful when they were going on than what Cordova and I had. And now I have this wonderful life with a husband I love with all my heart. As far as I'm concerned, Cordova's just a misstep on the road that led me to you. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm over him, but he left me feeling hurt and ashamed. Maybe I'm not really over those feelings."

Despite his hurt and anger, Matt couldn't entirely resist his need to comfort her when whatever she was trying to ultimately tell him had clearly been a difficult experience for her, and he reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and holding it tight. Gabby felt reassured by the gesture. While she knew it didn't change how much she had hurt him or how badly she had screwed up, it was still good to see that no matter what he was on her side. Not that it was a license to put them in this situation again.

"I know it's not an excuse either, but once Chief said that Cordova would be sticking around, I did realize that it didn't matter if I thought it was a big deal or not, you needed to know. And I tried to tell you. I did. In your office yesterday when you were you thanking me for welcoming Cordova," Gabby started again after a minute or so of silence, where she'd wondered if Matt was going to say something.

There was a part of Matt, the part that wanted to simply react to how hurt he was, that wanted to snap at that last part and make some comment about the possibility that she was really only welcoming because of her past with Cordova and what the man must have meant to her. But while he still didn't really know what that past entailed, the words she was using seemed to indicate that her past with Cordova was the last thing that would have made her want to welcome the man to 51, and with that knowledge he couldn't bring himself to actually say it anymore than his anger would allow him to fully listen to the part of him that just wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her that whatever Cordova had done to her was okay.

"But then we heard Kidd telling Severide about the pizza and the moment was gone. I tried a few times earlier today to, but I just kept freezing. Told myself that I just didn't know how to tell you and that I needed time to figure out what to say. Maybe that was just another excuse and all I was really trying to do was protect myself, but I wasn't trying to keep something from you or hurt you. Those were the last things I wanted to do," Gabby continued.

"You're right. You did have a right to know that I'd dated Cordova, and you have a right to know why it's something I struggle to talk to about," she paused and took a deep breath. "I told you that we dated for about two months and that he hurt me and that I've never told anyone what really happened. When we broke up, I told everyone who knew I had a boyfriend that it was because he cheated on me. That didn't seem like a lie or anything, but it wasn't the whole story. I was ashamed and embarrassed and didn't want to admit what had really happened. I didn't want people judging me or realizing that I was an idiot.

"There's a lot about my relationship with Cordova that I don't really remember. Between how long it's been and the fact that I wanted to forget it, it's mostly a blur, but unfortunately, I remember the morning I found out what was really going on really well. I was a fully certified paramedic and had a permanent ambo spot at that point. I wasn't back at 129 or anything. I started at Firehouse 44 and then came to 51 after a few years so Cordova and I weren't working together anymore or anything. When I look back, I don't think he would have asked me out if I was going to wind up at 129 permanently. It would have been harder to hide the truth from me if I was going to be there.

"I know I'm stalling again…We had planned to meet at my place that morning, and we did. He got there from 129 maybe half an hour after I got there from 44. We had breakfast, and then we had sex. Afterwards, we were still in bed, fooling around when my mom called. I wound up having to shoo him out of the bed because it was hard to have a conversation with her while he was playing with me," Gabby couldn't help examining Matt's face as she spoke. His lips were pressed together as if he was trying really hard not to picture her and Cordova in bed together.

"He headed into the bathroom, and it was clear that I was supposed to join him afterwards. When I got off the phone, I he asked me to grab something out of his bag while he started the shower. That was his big mistake. There was a jewelry box in there, and I figured he was trying to surprise me with a gift so I opened it. Inside was a really beautiful diamond necklace and matching bracelet. I was looking them over, really happy, when I noticed the inscription on the bracelet. Jake and Diana – 5 Years," her tone turned bitter. "At that point I started going through the rest of his bag. Hidden in a side pocket was a picture of him with his arms around a tall, thin red head, big smiles on both of their faces and a card to Diana. As if the bracelet didn't make things clear enough, the card definitely did. Diana was his real girlfriend, his long-term girlfriend, and I was just his piece on the side. He didn't cheat on me. He cheated with me.

"I handled it the way any angry, scorned woman would. I put on a bathrobe and then took his clothes and his bag and threw them out in the hall, down the hall really, near the stairs. There were three apartments per floor in the building I was living in at the time, and I was living in the farthest one from the stairs, and there was a very prim and proper spinster living in one of the other apartments. I was hoping she'd get an eyeful and call the cops on him for public indecency. No such luck though. Anyways, after I'd gotten rid of his stuff, I went to confront him with the picture and the card. At first, he didn't see what must have been an extremely pissed off look on my face. All he saw was the bathrobe, and before I could even start yelling at him, he was trying to take it off me so I kneed him in the balls. That was fun, and I think he got the message. I yelled at him about what I'd found and even ripped up the picture and the card. He couldn't even come up with a good excuse. Just kept saying that I was gorgeous and that he really liked me, claimed that he thought he was falling in love with me. Never bought it though. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to keep fucking me, that to him that's all the whole thing was.

"He kept trying to call me for a month or so after that, leaving messages begging me to take him back and describing all the ways he wanted to touch me. He was basically having phone sex with my voicemail. I only answered a few times just to tell him that I never wanted to see him again, that it's be a cold day in hell before he ever got to touch me again, and that he needed to stop calling. He only showed up at my apartment once though, begging me to let him explain and to let him inside, the way he was talking it sounded more like he meant inside me than inside the apartment, and he didn't even have the courtesy to return the towel he'd stolen from my bathroom when I kicked him out. That was when I punched him in the face. Pretty sure I gave him a black eye. Wonder how he explained that to his girlfriend. Until the other day, I hadn't seen or spoken to him since."

"You deserve better," Matt couldn't help but say.

He didn't understand it. What was wrong with this guy that he would have just been using Gabby for sex? Sure, Matt knew first hand how incredible sex with Gabby was. It was one of his favorite pastimes. He couldn't imagine ever wanting that part of their relationship to end, but even as hurt and angry as he was right now, he couldn't imagine wanting any part of their relationship to end because Gabby was so much more than her skills in the bedroom. And yes, she was gorgeous on the outside, but she was even more gorgeous on the inside. She was an absolutely amazing person. How could not see that? How could someone see her as nothing more than a sex toy and only want the physical with her? How could someone know her and not want more?

"I lied to everyone about what had happened because I didn't want people judging me or realizing how much of a fool I was because I was. I was such an idiot about the whole thing. There were so many signs that I just didn't see. The whole relationship was just hot and heavy. We never did romance, and we didn't do a lot of getting to know you, just hanging out type stuff even though we saw each other all the time. We mostly just had sex. I never met anyone of his friends, unless some of the guys from 129 count, and I only knew them because I worked a few shifts with them. We never spent time with them when we were together. As much as we saw each other, it was only during the week. Never on a weekend, and he never stayed the night. In hindsight it was obviously because being with me while his girlfriend was at work was one thing, but if she was home, well he couldn't actually say, sorry hon, I want to go fuck my mistress. He always came to my place. I never went to his, and while we did go out on occasion, we always stuck near my place. He didn't live anywhere close, and every time I offered to meet him somewhere closer to his place, he shot me down. Obviously, he couldn't risk anyone seeing us together, and if I ever made it to his apartment, I would have seen all the evidence of Diana that I would have needed to realize I was just his play thing. Plus, there was the possibility that she'd come home early and catch us together. Back then I was all concerned about dating within the department. Ironic I know considering my history and our marriage, but I was worried about workplace romance, what it would mean and what people would think. When it felt like there was something really going on between us, I told him that, but I also said that I didn't want to stop seeing him. He said we could keep our relationship a secret. Sold me this bull story about how he didn't really want to but would do it to ease my worries, and I believed him. I constantly bought all his crap, believed that everything that should have been a warning sign was something he was doing to make things easier for me. What was wrong with me?"

"Nothing was wrong with you, and you have nothing to be ashamed of Gabby. You were young. Sure, you trusted someone you shouldn't have, but that's because you see the good in the people. I know you would have never intentionally slept with someone who was taken. The only person who's at fault, the only person who did something wrong is Cordova," Matt insisted.

"Thanks," she smiled at him. "That's the whole story. That's everything I didn't say."

"Alright then," Matt said as he finally took a swig of his beer.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Matt drinking and Gabby trying to gage his mood. She couldn't get a good read on him. On the one hand, he didn't seem as angry as he did earlier, he hadn't lashed out again or anything. On the other hand, he seemed to have gone back to ignoring her, and minus a few words and gestures here and there, he clearly had no interest in helping her deal with confronting her past.

"So I know telling you everything now doesn't make up for not telling you anything earlier, but are we okay?" Gabby finally asked.

"I get to be mad at you right now Gabby," was all Matt said in response.

"Okay then," Gabby said as she got up from the couch. Maybe there was more she could have or should have said to explain herself and why she'd handled things the way she had, but after telling Matt the whole story of her relationship with Jake, she was too emotionally exhausted to figure it out. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay and figure out how to make things right, but she knew Matt. She knew that she wouldn't get anywhere given the state they were both in so it was best to give him space and let him think it over. Hopefully, that would be enough for him to understand. "I'll be in the bedroom if you want to talk."

She headed out of the room, stopping when she was almost at their bedroom door to turn around and say one last thing.

"I love you, and I really am sorry Matt," she paused for a moment, hoping he'd say something back. When she realized he wasn't going to, she reluctantly headed into the bedroom.

* * *

Author's Note: So I know this chapter didn't move the plot a ton, but I thought it was really important for Gabby to explain the entire story of her relationship with Cordova to Matt and why it wasn't easy for her to talk about. Things should start moving a little more next chapter, and I hope you guys still enjoyed it.

Until next time.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, or favorited this story after Chapter 2. I enjoyed reading all your thoughts on what I've done with this storyline.

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, but I must that the majority of this was not what I had planned. My muse kind of got away from me and the chapter started going in a different direction as I was writing it. Maybe I was inspired by some of what happened in regards to this storyline on the show after I first planned this story. Don't really know, but hopefully, it all still works. And it means there's going to be an extra chapter in this story because I thought the way I wrapped this one up worked too well as the end of a chapter to add more here. So what was intended to be probably half to two thirds of this chapter is now going to be chapter four. Although unless I can come up with another idea or two it will probably be on the shorter end so if you have anything you want to see, I'm all ears (or eyes in this case). Then again if it's shorter it'll probably be up sooner so there's that.

On an unrelated note, for those of you who have been asking about a Worth Fighting For update, I am working it. However, the chapter's turning out to be extremely long, which is saying something considering how long many of the chapters have been; I'm guessing I'll wind up with over 15,000 words. I'll probably break it up, but I need to finish what I had intended to be the chapter to figure all that out. I'm hoping I'll be able to post Chapter Twenty Nine in the next several weeks, but I make no guarantees. The downside to having two stories going is that it takes me longer to update both of them, and then there's that pesky thing called life and especially having a job. Will do my best though.

That's all I've got for now so here's Of Trust and Secrets Chapter 3. Enjoy. And when you get to the end, please let me know what you think.

Until next time : )

* * *

Chapter Three

When Gabby woke up, she was disappointed to find herself alone in bed. After she'd left Matt in the living room, she'd spent the night reading in bed. She hadn't really been able to focus on the book, but she had wanted to stay up until Matt came to bed. She'd obviously fallen asleep at some point though, and now she had no idea if he'd actually come to bed. Given how upset and hurt he'd been, she wouldn't have been surprised if he'd slept in the guest room or on the couch. The thought made her heart ache though. She had never intended for things to go this far or turn out this way, and if he was intent on avoiding her, she was going to have her work cut out for her. She really wished Cordova had never shown up at 51, but was it really fair to put all of this on him? Sure, he'd been the one to set all this in motion when he'd lied to her years ago, but this time she was the one keeping secrets in her relationship. Maybe she deserved the way this had messed up her life, but Matt didn't.

As she sat up, she noticed that while Matt wasn't lying next to her, his side of the bed looked slept in. She had no idea how long he'd ben there or why he wasn't there now, but at least he'd apparently tried coming to bed. She also noticed that there was no sign of her book on the bed. Looking at the floor, she didn't see it there either. Considering that she'd fallen asleep while reading, she would have expected it to be in one of those places. It had to have fallen somewhere that wasn't in her line of sight. She was in the process of getting out of bed, intent on looking for it when she discovered it on her nightstand, perfectly closed. Picking it up, she discovered that the bookmark was apparently in the right place too. Halfway down the page it was stuffed in was the last thing she remembered reading. Matt must have taken care of it when he came to bed. Under normal circumstances she wouldn't have been surprised, but in light of everything that had happened last night, she really appreciated the gesture.

That still left the question of where was Matt now though. Had he tried to act like things were okay, only to discover that he really didn't want to sleep next her? Or did he both want to sleep in his own bed and want to avoid her, making sure he was up and maybe gone before she woke up? Had last night just left him restless and unable to sleep? There were so many possibilities, and she wasn't sure which one was the real explanation. All she knew was that she was really hoping it was the one where Matt not in bed this morning didn't mean anything because he'd gotten everything out last night and had forgiven her. Something told her it wasn't going to be that easy though.

All she could do was get out of bed and go about her day, apologize again and hope for as many chances to try to make things right as it took. In her heart, she believed they'd get there eventually. Matt had said that he got to be angry right now, not that they'd never be okay, and as badly as she'd screwed up, as much as she now knew she'd hurt him, after everything they'd been through, she couldn't see this being the end of them. She just really hoped it wasn't going to take too long to get them back on track.

She made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Coffee would help her think of what else she could say to Matt or do to apologize. When she got there, she realized that she hadn't been expecting to see him standing over the stove. At least it gave her a chance to talk to him; he wouldn't just run and leave whatever he was cooking half-finished.

"Morning," she said, alerting him to her presence.

"You're up," Matt simply observed. Was it her imagination or did he sound disappointed? He must have been hoping to keep their interaction to a minimum and be out of here before she got up.

Walking further into the kitchen, Gabby made herself a cup of coffee before turning her attention back to her husband.

"Look Matt," she started before taking a sip of her coffee.

"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time. After the words were out, Gabby just stared at him. She knew what she was apologizing for, but she had no idea what he was sorry about.

"For being a jerk last night," it was like Matt could sense her confusion. "I shouldn't have just stormed out like that or tried to brush you off. I'm not saying that I'm suddenly forgiving you for not saying anything because I'm not, but I could have handled things better. I wanted to hurt you back, and that's not something I'm proud of. I was going to try to surprise you with breakfast in bed to make up for it, but I guess its too late for that."

"You shouldn't have to be the one to apologize. I'm the one who created this whole mess by being too afraid to say anything," she heard what he said about not forgiving her yet and knew she had to keep taking credit for her mistake and let him know she'd learned her lesson.

"Oh I'm not saying you didn't Gabby. You definitely should have handled things better, but I could have handled the fact that you didn't handle things better well better," Matt said.

"I'm not going to pretend that last night was fun or anything, that I enjoyed you storming off and refusing to acknowledge me and then being so cold, but I'm not holding it against you Matt. You don't need to surprise me or do anything to make last night up to me. I know you were only reacting to what I did so as far I'm concerned, we're okay," Gabby insisted.

It's not that she hadn't been hurt by his attitude last night, but she meant it when she said she knew it was just a reaction to her not confessing the true extent of her past with Cordova. It gave her real insight into just how badly she'd hurt him, and while she didn't fully understand why her not letting him know that she'd had an irrelevant, minor relationship with the floater twelve years ago had garnered such a hurt and angry reaction from him, what mattered most was that it had. She had no idea that he would have seen it as such a big deal, but she would have gladly said it all the moment Cordova said hello to her to in the briefing room even though that would have meant confessing in front of the whole house if that's what it would have taken to save him the pain. Since she hadn't though, she couldn't waste time focusing on how he'd reacted. It would just take her focus off of making up for keeping a secret from him.

"Okay," Matt said as he turned the stove off.

"Are we okay?" Gabby couldn't help but ask.

"I'm trying Gabby. I really am," he simply replied.

"We can talk some more if you want," she offered, but Matt just shook his head as he handed her a plate. Gabby wasn't sure if she should be relieved or disappointed. It's not like she enjoyed talking about her history with Jake or why she hadn't told Matt about it, but how could she fix things with him if they didn't talk about it?

They sat at the table, eating breakfast. Well, Gabby was eating breakfast. Matt was mostly playing with his food. Meanwhile, they altered between mindless conversation and awkward silence until finally Gabby couldn't take it anymore.

"Matt, you may not want to talk about it, but unless you like things being this way, we need to talk about it," she insisted.

"I don't want to say something I'm just going to regret later," Matt said.

"Say whatever you need to. I don't care if it'll help me make this right. If you need to lash out at me again, do it. I can take it," Gabby offered. "I love you, and there's nothing I won't do or deal with if it means fixing us."

She reached for his hand, wanting to reassure him that she meant what she was saying. When Matt didn't say anything else, she took it as a cue to start the conversation.

"I love you, and I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I had no idea my keeping quiet about it was going to hurt you so much. I never would have if I'd even suspected it would have no matter how scared I was to admit everything," she started.

"You were scared?" Matt questioned. He couldn't understand what would make telling him scary. She knew his deepest secrets. He'd trusted her with them completely. She should have been able to trust him with hers, not get scared.

"Of course I was," she said.

"What does that even mean? How were expecting me to react?" he couldn't help but interrupt.

"I wasn't scared of you Matt, not really. I was scared of me," Gabby explained. "I hadn't thought about what Jake did to me in a long time. I know everyone thinks of me as this strong, tough woman, but Jake left me a complete mess. I took it harder than I think I've taken any other break up. Not because I had stronger feelings for him than anyone else or missed him more than anyone else or wanted him back or anything. But I trusted him, and he completely broke that trust. It would have been so much better if he'd actually been cheating on me instead of with me. I was so ashamed by what had happened. I felt dirty and used. The first few guys I tried to date after that, those all fizzled because I couldn't trust them. I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I lied to everyone about what had happened because I couldn't bear the thought that the people I cared about would think less of me. He left me broken, and I for a long time I hated him for it. I only stopped because one day I decided he wasn't worth it.

"Seeing Jake again wasn't fun for me. In a lot of ways, he represents that period in my life. I was trying really hard not to think about that part of my history with him, to just see as some guy I worked with for a couple weeks. I figured that was better for the house and for me. I told myself it was because if everyone knew how he used me, they'd hate him even more and that would just create more problems. It's not that I don't think that's true, but if I'm honest with myself, maybe that was a reason to try to make sure the house didn't find out. But it wasn't a reason not to try not to think about it at all or not to tell you. I know your professional enough to not dock him simply because of it. The more I think about it, the more I think I'm afraid of going back there, that I was worried that bringing it all up was going to make me feel the shame of it all again and that I could go back to that broken person."

"I'd never let you break," Matt told her. "You should have known that. You should have trusted that I would have held you up. If it were me, that's what I would have done."

"Do you know how hard it was for me to tell you everything last night? To admit how much of an idiot I was? All that shame I felt back then, came rushing back, and now I don't know what it's going to be like facing him at the firehouse tomorrow with all that hurt fresh in my mind again," Gabby confessed. "And that's not even the worst part. I never wanted anyone to know I had been someone's mistress, for that to be part of what they see when they look at me, especially not you."

"Do you honestly think your past with Cordova changes anything for me? That anything could change how I see you or how much I love you? You should know me better than that," Matt was getting angry again.

"I know. I'm sorry," she apologized again but hoped that the more he got off the chest, the closer they'd get to moving forward.

"Last night you said that you're keeping secrets had nothing to do with us. A few minutes ago , you said that it wasn't my finding out that you were scared of. And now you're saying that you were scared I'd see you differently if I knew, that I'd start thinking of you as some guy's ex-mistress. Which one is it Gabby? Which one's just another lie?" Matt ignored her and proceeded with his rant.

"I'm not lying. Maybe I didn't want you to know, but I wasn't trying to not tell you and just hoping it went away," Gabby defended herself.

"Why should I believe you?" Matt countered. "Why shouldn't I think you're doing what you've done ever since Cordova first showed up? You've just cared about what was best for you. The hell with what's best for me or for us."

"That's not true. I do care about what's best for you and us. I hate knowing that I've done this to you," Gabby argued, but Matt wasn't in the mood to let her get another word in.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's always been about what Gabriela Dawson wants. You make a decision without a thought as to what I think or how it makes me feel, and I'm stuck going along or getting out of the way if you even trusted me enough to let me in and give me the option in the first place. We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to share things with each other, to be in things together, but you have no idea how to do that. I love you Gabby. Through it all I love you with everything I have, and when things are going well, I think that you're the closest thing to perfection. But then something like this happens, and I realize that there are parts of you I hate."

Seeing the way Gabby's face fell as soon as the word hate was out of his mouth, Matt knew he'd gone too far. She looked completely devastated, and it broke his heart. He hadn't intended to say that, hadn't even realized he was going to until it was too late to stop it. Everything from last night was still too raw, and while he got that Cordova was a piece of her past that she didn't like thinking about, that the man had deeply hurt her, hearing her now, it was like despite all their years together and everything they'd been through, she still didn't fully trust him. How was he supposed to feel about that?

"Gabby," he reached for her hand, wanting to comfort her.

She yanked it away though and got up. When she'd told Matt that she could take whatever he had to say, she had meant it, but she'd never imagined he was going to admit that he hated her. The words cut deeper than she'd been prepared for. She felt like she'd just been repeatedly pummeled in the gut like she couldn't breath. She needed to get away from him. She couldn't let him see her cry. She couldn't let him see just how deeply his words had affected her. Without another word, she got up and all but ran out of the kitchen.

"Gabby," Matt called again but she didn't stop or even turn around. Realizing that she wasn't going to, he got up to follow her. "Gabby…Baby wait. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

Realizing that Matt wasn't going to just let her run away as she passed the bathroom, Gabby ducked into the other room, slamming the door behind her and immediately locking it. Tears were already running down her cheeks, and she couldn't risk him seeing them.

"Damn it," Matt muttered as soon as the door slammed. Maybe this was poetic justice for his running away last night but hurting her wasn't supposed to be part of that equation.

Inside the bathroom, Gabby turned on the shower and then the sink, hoping it would drown out the sound of her crying. She didn't want him to hear it any more than she wanted him seeing it. And considering that she was still in her pajamas, maybe he'd even think that she was showering. Okay, that was probably pushing her luck, but she could still hope, couldn't she?

 _There are parts of you I hate._ The devastating words played over and over in her head. She supposed it was good to know that last night wasn't just about her having dated Cordova, that her bearing her soul hadn't been close to enough to make up for all the ways she'd screwed up, apparently the ways she kept screwing up. Matt hated her. She'd failed so badly as his wife that he hated her. He was the love of her life, the one person who meant everything to her. She loved every single piece of him, and he apparently didn't feel the same way about her. It wasn't that she thought he was being dishonest when he said he loved her, but it didn't take away the sting of realizing that he also hated her.

Outside the bathroom, Matt heard Gabby crying despite the running water, the sound of each sob breaking his heart a little more. He hadn't been trying to say that he hated her, but listening to her cries, there was no doubt that was how she took it. She didn't deserve to have him talk to her like that. Yes, they had things they needed to talk about, but it didn't justify his being so harsh. Hell, his being so harsh didn't help things, it just made them worse. He wished he could go back in time and prevent himself from getting mad and lashing out at her like that. He couldn't though. All he could try to do was move forward. He had to admit it was ironic though. Part of why he'd been so upset with her was her tendency to shut him out, and in his anger, he'd made her do just that. This time not just figuratively but literally too.

"Gabby," Matt tried again as he tentatively knocked on the door. Not surprisingly the only response he got was her continued sobs. "Can you open the door?"

He waited a minute or so, hoping for some sort of acknowledgement even if it was just a go away though. That too proved futile so he tried again.

"Look Gabby that came out wrong…I didn't mean that the way it sounded…I don't hate you. I love you…Please let me in," he tried different tacts to no avail. She obviously didn't want to speak to him right now, but he couldn't just leave her, especially not when he was the one who did this to her.

He contemplated breaking the door down. He had no doubt that it was something he could do even without his halligan. The fine he'd get from their landlord would have been completely worth it too. Although maybe he could repair it before it got to that point. The problem was that he had no idea where Gabby was in the bathroom, and as much as he wanted to get to Gabby, he wasn't willing to risk hurting her to do it. That left him knocking on the door, begging her to let him in or at least talk to him until finally she opened the door.

Gabby had heard every word Matt said. She heard the regret in his voice, but it didn't make up for what he'd said earlier. She wasn't ready to see Matt, not while she was still crying, so she just tried to ignore him, focusing on the sound of the running water. Eventually though she did run out of tears. She still wished she could just stay in here, but she knew she'd have to emerge eventually. They'd had plenty of fights over the years, she'd even left him once, but never before had she found the thought of facing Matt so nerve-wracking. Taking another look around the bathroom, she sighed. The longer she stayed in here, the more she'd just dwell on the fact that Matt hated her so she might as well get this over with. After turning the shower off, she headed to the sink to splash water over her tear-stained face and then shut that off as well. Finally, there was nothing left to do, no more excuses to stay hidden in the bathroom. She still wasn't ready though so she paused and stared at the door for a few minutes before finally opening it.

"You hate me," Gabby couldn't help saying as soon as she and Matt locked eyes.

Matt sighed, both at the proclamation itself and the vulnerability in her voice, making him feel more guilty for his earlier words than he already did.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you," Matt replied, hoping she wasn't too hurt to miss the love and sincerity in his voice. "Come here."

He pulled her into his arms before she could have a chance to protest, needing to try to offer her some form of comfort after doing this to her. The gesture was enough for her to start crying again, and he held her tight, not wanting her to run or hide her hurt again.

"Yes, you do," Gabby muttered into his chest. Her voice was quiet, but he still heard it. The words were enough to bring tears to his own eyes.

"No, I don't," Matt insisted. "I love you. I love you more than anything Gabby. I'm sorry I made you think otherwise."

Gabby's only response was to cry harder into his chest. Matt responded by reiterating that he loved her and kissing the top of her head. They stayed like that, in the middle of the bathroom, Gabby sobbing into his chest, Matt rubbing her back and alternating between telling her he loved her and kissing her head, every so often a tear escaping his own eyes.

* * *

"So," Gabby said as they sat down on the couch a little while later. Both were still clad in their pajamas, having left the bathroom a few moments ago understanding that they needed to talk.

"Do you want me to make you a cup of tea or anything?" Matt asked.

"Matt," was Gabby's entire reply, the tone in her voice telling him everything he needed to know.

"I'm not stalling Gabby. I just want to make sure you're comfortable. After what I said. After how you reacted, I owe you that much," he told her.

"The only thing I need right now is for you to tell me exactly what it is you hate about me," she snapped. She wasn't sure she actually wanted to know, but she needed to. As hard as it was going to be to hear all the ways in which she'd failed Matt, she knew that if she didn't, then they'd never really be okay, and as much as Matt's words had hurt her earlier, she still really wanted them to be okay.

"I don't hate you. Those are the words you need to believe, not what I said before," Matt was relieved when she let him take her hand this time. "Gabby, I love you, all of you, so much. I wouldn't change a thing about you even if I could. I would never want you to be anything other than the incredible, passionate person I fell in love with and married."

"But," Gabby prompted when Matt seemed to pause.

"But you have a tendency to shut me out of what your doing, of what your feeling, of your choices. Something comes up and instead of letting me in, you push me away. No, you don't just push me away. Sometimes it feels like you're running away," Matt started to explain.

"The last thing I'd ever want to do is run away from you," Gabby cut in.

"I'm not finished," he responded. "And that right now, that's what I'm talking about. You can't resist the urge to interrupt and act like your perspective is the only one that matters when I'm trying to let you know how I feel. You can be self-centered, and I know everyone can be, but you're self-centered in a way that makes it feel like I'm just along for the ride, that I'm an afterthought. There are times, a lot of times, when you act like your opinion or what you want is all that matters, when what I think or feel, doesn't factor into the equation. You make decisions on your own, and when the decision only affects you, that's fine, but you make big decisions about us without giving me a say too."

Hearing Matt's words, Gabby couldn't help but wonder how Matt could love her if he also felt that way. She was tempted to ask, but sensing that it would just make things worse, she managed to resist.

"You don't fully trust me Gabby. That's crystal clear," Matt continued. "After all this time together, you don't trust me. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to realize that you're not comfortable enough with me to tell me things? That you don't enough faith in my love for you to know that something from your past isn't going to change anything between us? Because I do love you Gabby. I love you more than anything. You should know that something that happened before I even met you isn't going to change that.

"You know if you'd told me about Cordova from the beginning, it wouldn't have been a big deal. I get that he really hurt you and that you don't like talking or thinking about it, but if you just said that two of you had dated for a couple months years ago and that he'd hurt you, I would have understood. I wouldn't have forced you to go into details or anything. Instead you didn't tell me anything simply because you didn't want to. Because it was easier for you not to say anything. And that's just one example. You did it with Louie, deciding that you were going to try to foster him on your own before I even had a chance to really think about what you were asking. That nearly destroyed us Gabby. If I hadn't managed to eventually force my way into it with you, would we even be here right now? Then you did it all again with Bria except that time you didn't even ask for my help.

"I don't hate you Gabby, but I hate when you do these things and the fact that you do them over and over. You don't learn. And I'm worried that one day it's going to go too far and we're not going to be able to fix the damage it does to us," Matt had gotten emotional by the time he finished.

"Matt," Gabby's paused after she she started to speak, the weight of just how badly she'd hurt him over the years having hit her like a ton of bricks as he finished. She knew she needed to respond, but she wasn't sure what to say. Does she simply apologize and promise to do better? That seemed insufficient. Does she try to explain why she's handled things the way she has or would that just make things worse? The way he was looking at her, it was clear that Matt wanted her to at least say something however. "I…I had no idea. I never wanted to make you feel that way. And I do trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone else. Please believe me."

"You have a funny way of showing it," Matt couldn't help himself.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to make you feel like I don't trust you or care about what you think or how you feel or even care about you. You're the most important person in my life. I've never intentionally shut you out or pushed you away. I don't want to run away or do anything that could destroy us. I just…I don't know," Gabby sighed and paused for a minute. "I do know that I screwed up at first with Louie, that I sprung something huge on you and then based everything on your initial reaction, not everything you did afterwards. I don't have a good excuse, but I can't even imagine those months with Louie without you, without the three of us being a family. And I don't know how I would have gotten through losing him if I didn't still have you. And I wasn't trying to do that all over again with Bria. I know you saw it that way, but I wasn't it. I saw someone in trouble, who needed my help, and I was going to do everything I could to help her, but I had no idea it was going to turn into as big of a thing as it did. I wasn't trying to push you away. You had so much on your plate, and I didn't want to pile on and make you deal with something else. I was trying to make things easier for you, not harder. Obviously, I failed, but that's what I thought I was doing."

"Something that's important to you could never be just something else for me to deal with. If it's important to you, it's important to me," Matt insisted.

"I'm sorry," Gabby said again. "Matt, I don't mean to keep pushing you away or shutting you out or keeping things from you. I don't know why I keep doing it, but I'm not doing it to hurt you or sabotage us. I've clearly hurt you a lot, and I can't apologize enough for that. Knowing I've hurt you so badly, that kills me. I love you so much Matt, and the last thing I'd ever want is to do something that costs me you. I'm pretty sure I'd never be able to forgive myself if I did, and I can't imagine ever being happy without you.

"I wish I could promise that I'll stop shutting you out or making you feel this way. I wish I could, but I can't. What I can promise is that I'll try to be better; I'll try not do those things because I can't lose you. I need you Matt, whether I show it or not, I need you. So that's my promise. I promise I'll try," by the time she was finished, the tears had returned to Gabby's eyes.

"That's all I ask," Matt reached up to wipe away her tears. "I'm really sorry for what I said earlier, for making you think –"

"Don't be," Gabby cut him off. "I may not have wanted to hear it, and it certainly wasn't fun to hear, but I needed to hear it Matt. We needed to have this conversation. For your sake and for our sake. And I don't think we would have if you hadn't snapped."

"Okay," came Matt's simple reply.

Gabby had stopped crying at this point so Matt reached for her hand, offering it a reassuring squeeze. They sat in silence for a few minutes until Gabby spoke again.

"Are we okay? After last night? After this morning?" she asked.

Matt responded by pulling her into a kiss. It wasn't the passionate, lust-filled kiss they'd often shared. Instead it was sweet, sensual, and filled with emotion.

"I love you," he said as he pulled away and caught his breath.

"I love you too," Gabby smiled and then pulled him into a tight hug, burying her head into his neck, needing to have him close after the past twenty four, if not forty eight plus, hours.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Apologies is the end of this chapter seems rushed or poorly written or anything or if there's more mistakes than usual in this one. I had most of this chapter written a few days ago, but after debating whether or not it was a good idea to post this today as I had previously been aiming for, I went ahead and wrote the last scene and did my editing on and off throughout the day today. It had to be on and off because I had a hard time focusing on this, and if the comments from at least those who appear to be Dawsey fans that I've read in the recaps and reviews of last night's episode are any indication of how our fandom is feeling today, I'm sure at least some of you understand. And I understand if some of you aren't read this, but I decided I should finish and post this chapter in case it helps anyone to be reminded that no matter what happens, we at least have fanfiction.

Now there are a few things I want to say regarding the finale and that Deadline article from Wednesday night regarding season 7, and since I don't do twitter this is the only place I have to do this so if you don't have any interest in my opinion (rant) or speculation or aren't familiar with what Deadline reported and don't want to know or haven't seen the finale yet skip the rest of this paragraph and the next two. Now while I watch probably too much TV, I don't typically go all bonafide shipper. Sure, there are pairings I like and dislike, but I try to just enjoy the shows and characters I like and not get too invested in any one ship because I've been burned before. With Dawsey though I just couldn't help myself. Between their chemistry and the acting and their story there is something really special about Dawsey. They just drew me in, and now the finale's left me crushed. I am way too emotionally invested in this wonderful pairing if how I've been feeling for nearly 48 hours now is any indication. It's probably not healthy. After the last season's finale, I was almost positive that despite how dire it seemed, Jesse Spencer would be back for season 6. I figured if they were going to kill someone from that cliffhanger, it wasn't going Casey (or Severide). If it wasn't for that Deadline article, I'd probably be upset about what the finale did to Dawson and Dawsey but would also probably be thinking the same thing about Monica Raymund and season 7. I did read it though, and now I have no idea what to think. Look, I fully get that Gabby Dawson is a fictional character and Monica Raymund is a human being. Not only does she have the right to do what's going to make her happy and leave her feeling professionally fulfilled, that's what she should be doing. If that's leaving Chicago Fire, I do get it. I think most actors are naturally nomadic people, but I'd always hoped that if Monica or Jesse ever left the show, they'd leave at the same time and Dawsey would go riding off into the sunset together. Now though, if Monica does leave, between that ending and the fact that we know Jesse's signed for next season, that won't happen. I have no idea if the speculation Monica is leaving that Deadline was talking about is based on the Dawsey blowout and/or Gabby approaching Hatcher at the end looking for more info on Puerto Rico or if its based on knowledge that Monica is actually considering leaving the show. I hope its the former because if this really is the end, what a devastating and crappy end it is. I also have to say that I feel like this whole situation is disrespectful to Monica. I don't get why they would offer Jesse and Taylor new deals before officially being renewed but not Monica when Dawson is just as important to the fabric of the show as Casey and Severide. I love Hermann and Boden and would be bummed if we lost either one of them, but Casey, Dawson, and Severide are definitely the main leads. Writing that out though does make me realize that if they were going to do a big cliffhanger around a single character it makes sense that it would be those three and we've already had the Casey and Severide based cliffhangers in seasons 3 and 4 (and they were involved in both last season's cliffhanger and the Olympic cliffhanger), so hopefully, that means this was Gabby's turn and we shouldn't necessarily read too much into it.

I first saw the Deadline article right before I went to bed on Wednesday. I'd been having a great night, and it had nothing to do with my stalking entertainment sites for news on renewals, cancellations, and pickups (what can I say, I was eager to see the fate of my shows that were on the bubble and whether or not the pilots that had piqued my interests were getting picked up...you did read the part where I said I probably watch too much TV, right?) The fact that the expected Fire pickup became official was just the icing on the cake. I figured if I couldn't sleep, it was going to be because I was pumped, and then I made the mistake of clicking on that damn article and couldn't sleep because I was too busy freaking out about the possibility that it would be the last time we see Gabby. Not gonna lie. I was really nervous all day Thursday. I went from being sad that the season was over but excited about the finale to apprehensive. I just kept hoping that the Deadline article was blowing things out of proportion so it wouldn't be so bad and telling myself that if this was the last time we got to see Dawsey, I was going to savor it. Turned out it was worse than I imagined, and by the time we got to the second hour, there really was nothing to savor. Gabby and Dawsey were basically trashed, and as someone who loves Dawsey and considers Gabby her favorite character, that hurts; the quality of the acting was really the only positive there. As the episode wore on, I kept telling myself that Gabby deciding to go to Puerto Rico at the end was too obvious, they were hinting at it too loudly for it to be where things went, and that if anyone went to Puerto Rico it would be Brett to get her head on straight. Then season 7 would pick up with a time jump to the point where she was just coming back. Clearly I was giving Haas too much credit expecting some amount of subtlety and a twist.

All that said, as long as Monica does return, I don't think this is the end of Dawsey. They've spent too much time developing the relationship over the years to just throw it away, and in my opinion at least, at this point, the Dawsey relationship is just as integral to the fabric of the show as Dawson and Casey individually. It just doesn't make sense to me that both characters would remain on the show and be over for good. That said, I'm also not expecting everything to be all sunshine and roses between them come 7x01, and honestly, at this point I'm okay with that. The ending was completely awful and painful, and I wish it hadn't happened. However, for the premiere to both pick up right where the finale left off and have Dawson go home to kiss and make up with Casey, minimizes what happened, and I'm not sure its realistic. They're probably going to have to work to get back on track, and while it's not the story I would have preferred, it could be a good story. I think I'd like to see them go to marriage counseling and really try to rebuild a solid foundation. Both need to work on communicating and understanding where the other is coming from. Gabby needs to learn that she can still be an strong, independent bad ass while also leaning on Casey and treating her marriage as a team effort. It would probably do them a lot of good, allow them to grow, and show that their marriage is something they value enough to work for. And as much as I hate to say it, I think I'd be okay with them separating for a bit and Gabby going to Puerto Rico as long as its not permanent. The time apart and away from the heat of the situation would hopefully allow them to clear their head and put things in perspective. In my devastation after last night's finale, I looked for as many articles on it as I could find online. Most of them were reviews and recaps of the episode, but I did come across two interviews with Haas, one that gave me hope and one that didn't. In the one that did, he talked about how he'd love to actually show both Casey and Dawson in Puerto Rico in season 7, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to (really hoping that's because of logistics/budget and not because he has no idea if Monica's coming back). That got me thinking about what I think could potentially be in store for season 7 if Monica comes back. The first part of this is what I think may happen and the second is what I'd like to happen afterwards and I have no idea how likely or unlikely it is. Anyways, I can see the the premiere staring with Gabby in Puerto Rico and the show spending most of the episode trying to make us think that Monica's left the show, and then something happens near the end that makes Matt decide to go after her and we see them reunite in Puerto Rico. Then for the second episode they stay in Puerto Rico, and we see them doing aid work and reconnecting (it would be a great way to highlight what's going on down there). They come back for episode three and we have an arc where they're the in marriage counseling and really working things out. Then in the back half of the season, when they're really on solid ground, they revisit the baby decision, both consulting a doctor about Gabby's aneurysm and trying to fully understand all their options, both pros and cons, so that they can make an informed decision together. Yeah, unless/until we get definitive word that Monica's leaving, I'm going to tell myself that that's what's going to happen. And just remember, that whatever happens, we still have fanfiction so I intend to keep writing.

 **For those of you who wanted to skip my opinion and speculation, you can start reading again.** This is what I'd intended to be my author's note before last night.

For those of you who read Worth Fighting For, this is going to come as no surprise. For those of you who haven't read it, this is where you learn never to believe me when I say something is going to be short. I don't know how to do short. I know this ridiculously long author's note skews the word count on the site, but on its own, the actual chapter is over 7,000 words and the longest one in this story so far. What can I say, it just started flowing.

Anyways, I want to give the usual thanks to my reviewers and those who've favorited and/or followed this story. Hopefully, you guys enjoy this one and the timing doesn't suck. I swear I wrote almost all of it before last night. As always, when you get to the end, please let me know what you think.

* * *

Chapter Four

"Are we okay?" Gabby asked Matt as the couple, on the verge of being late for shift, raced up the firehouse driveway. When she'd asked him the question yesterday, he hadn't really answered. Sure, he'd kissed her and said he loved her. He'd rescheduled his construction job so they could spend the day together, reconnect, and try to move past everything. It had gone well. They'd hung out all day, laughing and enjoying each other's company as if they were back on the same page. While one could say they'd gone to bed early, they'd kept each other up rather late. They hadn't talked much this morning. Both of them had been too busy rushing through a morning routine in an attempt to make up for the fact that they'd overslept as a result of the prior night's activities. But Matt had never actually said the words. He'd never said that they were okay, and Gabby couldn't help but worry that it was because deep down he didn't think they were okay, that he either hadn't truly forgiven her or was just waiting for the next time she screwed up.

Matt responded by pulling her into a passionate kiss just as they stepped onto the apparatus floor. The sound of someone whistling caused them to break apart though. Turning, they saw Cruz already settled in at the squad table.

"Did we miss roll call?" Gabby wondered aloud. She didn't think they were that late, but it seemed odd to see Cruz sitting there like he intended to stay for a while if shift hadn't even started yet.

"Nope. Kidd and Brett decided to clean out the fridge. Something went bad. Surprised more people aren't out here," Cruz replied.

"Thanks for the warning," Matt replied.

As a result, the couple decided to enter the house through the farther door, the one that would allow them to bypass the common room on their way to the locker room. It didn't help though, the smell of rancid chicken filling their nostrils as soon as they'd opened the door, causing them to duck through the bathroom in an effort to reach the locker room and escape the smell.

"Are we really okay?" Gabby asked once again as she opened her locker.

"Why do you keep asking that?" Matt asked in return. He didn't understand how she didn't know they were.

"Because you haven't actually answered. Every time I ask, you just kiss me," she explained. "I need words Matt."

"Gabby, I wouldn't be kissing you if we weren't okay," he replied only for her to raise an eyebrow at him. "We're okay."

"Good," she reached for his hand.

"We really should be getting to roll call," Matt looked up at the clock on the locker room wall.

With that the couple walked out of the locker room and to the briefing room hand in hand. They were the last ones to make it to roll call. Even Cruz had come back in and beat them. Without many places to choose from, Matt took a spot next to the door, leaning against the wall, and Gabby stayed at his side. She thought she felt Cordova's eyes on her, and looking across the room, she discovered he was looking at them. Figuring that he just wanted to know if he had to be worried about what she'd told Matt about their past, she offered him a reassuring smile. She knew that Matt probably didn't respect Cordova very much as a person, but that the captain in Matt wouldn't let him judge the man as a firefighter on anything but the merits.

She snuggled a little closer to Matt as Boden began to talk. It may not be the most professional way to behave, but after the past few days, she didn't care. She didn't think anyone would hold it against them, if they even noticed, anyways. When the Chief was done, Brett approached them.

"We're going for a ride," the paramedic told Gabby. "The chicken's in the dumpster out back but someone still needs to buy air freshener."

"Okay," Gabby said before turning her attention to Matt. "I'll see you later."

With that she followed Brett out through the door and towards the ambo.

* * *

Jake stood against the far wall in the briefing room waiting for Boden to start. With everyone still clearly against him, he figured it wasn't a good idea to try sitting with someone at one of the tables. Besides, this was about where Gabby had been standing on his first shift at 51, and he couldn't help but hope that it was her regular spot. Then he'd likely wind up next to her. It would give him the chance to strike up a conversation with her, and maybe he could even figure out how to parlay that into spending time with her this morning. That was the first step in being able to establish a relationship with her that was anything but close to professional. If this wasn't her spot, at least standing here allowed him to see the whole room. He could take in the view. A CFD paramedic's uniform may not be the most flattering outfit in the world, but she still made it look beautiful. Of course both of those scenarios required her to show up, and so far this morning had been a huge disappointment simply because there's been no sign of her.

She'd been on his mind more and more from the moment he'd realized she was standing in this very spot, but she'd been practically all he'd been able to think about since seeing her the other night at Molly's. Who could blame him when she'd been so stunning? The way her wavy hair fell along her face. The cut of her v-neck blouse that showed just enough cleavage to be enticing without appearing slutty. The make-up job that she didn't need but managed to highlight all her best features. How every guy in the room hadn't spent the night staring at her was a mystery to him. That was even before accounting for the gleam in her eye. He'd spent a lot of time yesterday picturing her standing there, often pretending he was the one she was talking to, the source of the gleam in her eye, not that damn husband of hers.

He'd alternated between that and remembering their time together. It had been regrettably way too brief. He never should have brought Diana's gift to her place. He hadn't been thinking. Those two months had been incredible, and who knows how long they would have lasted if he hadn't been so stupid. Sure, her physical appearance had been what attracted him to her at first, but he'd found she was so much more than her looks. She was funny and easy to talk to. She was passionate and caring. She was hot-headed and fought for what she believed in. And the way she talked about her family, it was clear that if she loved you, she loved you with everything she had. Then god there was the sex. Something had told him she was good in bed before she'd ever even touched his dick, but he never imagined just how incredible she actually was.

Yesterday he found himself wishing more than he had at any point in the past five years that he still had his tape of them. Being able to see her naked body and how sexy she had looked all spent and disheveled after they both came. To see how perfectly they moved together. They'd been perfectly in sync from their very first time together. If only he'd realized then that it was a sign, that they'd instinctively moved together in perfect harmony because they were meant to be. Being able to hear the way she'd moaned and called his name and how often she did it, the evidence of just how much pleasure he was giving her. He'd never known her to be quiet, and it had always turned him on even more. He knew none of it had been a show for the camera because she'd had no idea it was there. He so wished he could see and hear those things now even if it was just on a screen. It would at least make this time where he had to be patient and work to get her back when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and start ripping off her clothes more bearable.

So of course he'd been looking forward to shift simply because it meant he'd actually get to see and interact with Gabby even if none of it would be in the same league as his memories and fantasies. He'd been giddy this morning knowing that they'd spend most of the next twenty four hours in the same place, that he'd be able to work on getting her back. He wasn't naïve enough to think that they'd be sneaking around the firehouse and going at it by tomorrow morning, but being in a position where he could work towards that was at least something. His giddiness had made it easy to put up with the smell this morning as he'd sat waiting for her to grace him with her presence, to be able to see her and hear her voice in more than just his mind. Only so far there'd been no sign of her, and that was a huge disappointment. There'd been no sign of Casey either. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, but if neither of them were going to be here today, then he could only hope that it was because thing weren't going well at home.

Then finally the door opened and Gabby walked in with Casey. They were holding hands, and it took everything he had not scowl. He'd clearly misjudged the way Casey and then Gabby left Molly's the other night. It looked like the way his affair with Gabby had been revealed had started to put a rift between the couple, but now there was no sign of that rift. Had Casey already forgiven her for lying? He supposed he couldn't blame the man. He knew he'd forgive Gabby anything. Hell, he'd already forgiven her for moving on and marrying someone else. Of course, he'd be a hypocrite if he hadn't considering that he'd not only married Diana but would probably still be married to her had she not eventually discovered that he regularly fucked other women or been okay with his defense, that it was just fun, meaningless sex and wasn't a reflection of how much he loved her or how happy he was with her. Of course, the fact that she eventually found the tape hadn't helped, that had made clear that it wasn't always just one night stands with random women.

Had he still been married though, with Gabby once again in the picture, he knew he would have made a different choice this time. He would have chosen Gabby and left Diana because in the end, he'd stayed with Diana out of habit and comfort. While he had loved her throughout their eleven years together, in the end, his lengthy relationship with Diana had never compared to his brief one with Gabby. That was something else he had forgiven Gabby for, the fact that she didn't seem to have any intention of leaving Casey now that he was back in the picture. He just kept telling himself it was because she didn't know he'd ever loved her, let alone how much he still loved her after all these years, and she had no reason to trust him after finding out there'd been another woman. That once he'd earned her trust again and she knew how he really felt, that there wasn't another woman and there never would be again because he'd realized that as long as he had her, he had no reason to want to touch anyone else, the decision would be easy. She'd realize that what they'd shared was something they could have again. She'd choose him because there was no way that her relationship with Casey could compare to her relationship with him. Still, the fact that Casey had seemingly forgiven her meant that he was going to have a higher hill to climb.

Her closeness to Casey wasn't enough for him to take his eyes off of her though, and he was rewarded when she looked up, locked eyes with him, and smiled. She was glad to see him. The realization was enough to bring the giddiness back. Then Boden started talking, but the words barely registered. He was too busy staring at Gabby, taking in her beauty. After a second, she seemed to get closer to Casey. There was something intimate about the way they were standing, and all he wanted to do was groan. He still couldn't look away though, and he realized nothing could make him not want to look at her. He could stare at her in any circumstance. He'd probably even willingly watch her and Casey have sex if it meant he got to see her.

The thought of her and Casey having sex though was even more disgusting than how they were standing. Casey shouldn't be the one to touch her like that, to be touched by her like that. Casey wouldn't get to experience that for much longer though he reminded himself. Soon he wouldn't have to see Gabby and Casey standing like that. Soon Gabby wouldn't be letting Casey fuck her. Soon Gabby would be standing like that with him. Soon Gabby would be letting him make love to her. Soon Gabby would be wondering how she could have ever mistook a sex with someone else for making love.

He was so lost in his thoughts and her beauty that he didn't even realize that the Chief had finished until he saw Gabby's partner come up to her and Casey. Then before he could react the two women were heading out. There went his chance to get some one on one time with Gabby this morning. He'd have to settle for working his way into her conversation so he needed to figure out where they went. Inventory seemed like a logical guess so he figured he'd head to the apparatus floor. Needing to look like he wasn't seeking Gabby out, he moseyed around for a minute as if he was trying to figure out what he wanted to do before deciding to hang out on the floor. He made it out there just time to see the back of Ambulance 61 as it pulled out of the garage.

Damn it.

His eyed wandered the floor. The squad guys were at their table so it would look funny if he just headed back in. He needed something to do out here, some reason for them to think he'd been out here that wasn't Gabby. Given how close this house seemed, he couldn't risk anyone figuring out what he felt for Gabby until she was ready to realize it herself. Then he noticed the punching bag. That certainly looked like what he needed right now.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been out there. He intended to still be here when the Ambo got back so that Gabby would get to see his manly, muscular form going at it with the bag, that she'd get a nice reminder of his strength and the type of body he had. Although he'd been intentionally wearing a tighter shirt to shift in order to show off his muscles, remembering how much she'd appreciated them before. It was a lot of fun too, pretending that the bag was Casey's face, that he was punishing the man for how he'd been treated so far and more importantly for having the girl, the career, really the life that should have been his. He knew it would be even more satisfying when he'd taken those things from Casey. Although if he couldn't get both, if he had to choose, he'd take Gabby over the captaincy in a heartbeat anyway. She was definitely the part of Casey's life that he wanted most. Really the only downside to taking Gabby and not ruining Casey's career was what it would be like working for the man whose wife he'd just stolen. As much as he wished he'd had Casey's career, the real reason to ruin it was because if he didn't as soon as Gabby and he were back together, he'd be out of a spot. He had no doubt that Casey would handle things the same way Deputy Commissioner Steele had and make up some excuse to force him out of 51 and back into the floater pool as punishment.

He could picture how things would go if he didn't get Casey out of here first. He and Gabby cuddling naked in his bed, incredibly happy to be back together, smiling after having finally made love again after all these years. They can't stop touching each other, and in between kisses, they talk about the future. Does she tell Casey everything and move in right away, knowing that it'll get him bounced from 51? Or does she simply ask for a divorce and they hide their relationship for a while so he can stay? She doesn't want to have to hide and slow things down. She wants to move in tomorrow, but she also doesn't want to hurt his career. She doesn't think it's right that he gets punished simply because she loves him. He points out that losing her would make any man bitter and that whatever happens to him, she's worth it.

Gabby deserves better than to have to make that choice. He deserves to have both her and 51. So he had to get Casey out of there. It was simple as that. And diminishing Casey in Gabby's eyes could only help him in his quest. Maybe it would even make the secrets he'd kept the first time they were together look better.

He looked up and out the garage door, searching for a sign that the Ambo was returning. He couldn't see it, and he was getting thirsty. Not wanting to miss Gabby's return, he tried to ignore the thirst, but eventually it got to be too much. He figured he'd go in, fill up a bottle of water, and head back out to resume his show. While there was no guarantee that he'd wouldn't be inside when 61 got back, he figured the odds were in his favor.

As he was finishing filling up the water bottle he'd grabbed, he saw Casey walking down the hall towards the bullpen area.

"Hey Captain," he called, an idea coming to him.

"What can I do for you?" Matt stopped and turned to face him.

"Look about the other night. I feel like I should explain. I –" Jake started.

"Stop. You don't need to explain anything. Gabby and I talked. She told me everything. You two had a minor fling years ago. It doesn't matter. It's in the past. Gabby and I have been together for years. We're married. For the time being at least, you work for me. That's what's in the present. I don't care what you've done or do in your personal life or how you treat people off the job. At least not as your captain. What I care about is your ability to do your job and get along with everyone here so keep your head down, show respect for this house and the people who are part of it, and we'll be fine," Matt replied even though truthfully he wasn't sure they would be fine.

It had nothing to do with Gabby though. He'd meant it when he said that Cordova's history with his wife didn't matter when it came to the job at least not directly. He didn't like the man before he'd found out about how badly he'd hurt Gabby, but now he had to admit that Gabby's story fit in well with why he didn't like the man. It was just another symptom of the type of person he was. The man had a huge ego. He'd been too cavalier and insensitive, too eager even, about taking the spot of someone who'd almost died. He hadn't cared about what everyone at 51 was feeling about what had happened to Otis. He hadn't cared about how secretly making Gabby his mistress was unfair to both Gabby and his actual girlfriend. The man clearly didn't respect people. It seemed like really all he cared about was himself, and that could be dangerous for a firefighter. He was going to have to keep a close eye on this one and see how it went.

Meanwhile Cordova was incensed. What he really wanted to do was point out that it hadn't been some minor fling. It had been so much more than that. Gabby had undoubtedly only claimed that that's all it was in an effort to smooth things over. He was a great guy and even better firefighter. How dare Casey imply that he wasn't.

"You're being a bigger man than I would be in your shoes," Cordova pushed all that aside and played to what he figured must be the man's ego.

"There's nothing to be a big man about," Matt disagreed. "You and Gabby had been over for years before I even met her. Sure, even if it was a long time ago, I don't appreciate the way you used my wife. She deserves a hell of a lot better than what she got from you, but I'm your captain, not your friend. And I know my wife. I trust her completely even. Even if what happened between the two of you had been something serious, it wouldn't matter. I'd have nothing to be concerned about because Gabby loves me, and she's not a cheater.

"Look, I need to get these reports to the chief. Just know that you don't need to worry about anything that happened between you and my wife impacting things for you here. Whether or not you stick until Otis is back will be based on what I see from you as a firefighter and a member of this house," Matt said before walking away.

"You really sure he's coming back?" Cordova couldn't help himself.

Matt didn't acknowledge the comment, but he made note of it and the fact that it seemed to indicate that what he'd said about what Cordova would actually be judged on had fallen on deaf ears. He didn't like it. He didn't like the whole conversation really. Something about it had just rubbed him the wrong way, and he wasn't exactly sure why. It just seemed like there was more going on here than met the eye, like the guy was implying something even if he didn't mean to. He still wasn't concerned though. He'd meant what he'd told Cordova about Gabby. Despite their blow out yesterday and her tendency to keep shutting him out, he had complete faith in her love for him. He knew she didn't do those things because she was looking for a way out; she valued their life together just as much as he did and couldn't imagine that changing.

By the time the bullpen door closed, Jake was outright annoyed. He returned to the punching bag with vigor, once again pretending that it was that righteous, obnoxious Captain Casey, and that he was giving the man the beat down that he deserved. He hadn't gotten to say what he'd wanted to. He hadn't gotten to try to move things along and put a wrench in that ridiculous marriage. And on top of it, he'd all but been attacked. The comment about how Gabby wasn't a cheater was clearly a dig on him, and the man had no right to make it. He hadn't used Gabby. Casey was just too high and mighty to understand that. If he'd done anything wrong in the whole situation, it was that he'd been too much of a coward to leave Diana. The implication that he might not deserve to be here and the reminder that as far as everyone here was concerned, he was just keeping the spot warm. He deserved this spot more than anyone. Simple as that, and he'd be damned if he'd give it up without a fight.

At least he was well positioned to see Ambo 61 return, and it eventually did. Gabby popped out and said something to Brett before heading into the house, not even noticing him there. At least that must have been the case because she hadn't looked at him or said anything. How could not even that have gone his way?

* * *

"Dawson, how you doing kid?" Hermann asked quietly approached her as she sat at the small table in the common room after lunch going through Molly's bills.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Gabby wasn't sure where this was coming from.

"Things going well with you and Casey? You two talk?" Hermann prodded.

"Matt and I are good. Why are you suddenly concerned about my marriage?" Gabby grew worried. Had Matt said something to Hermann? Sought advice? Out of everyone on their shift at 51, Hermann had been married the longest. It didn't seem unreasonable that Matt would seek marriage advise from him, but if he'd done that now, then despite what he'd said, at least some of what had happened or what they'd said in the past couple of days.

"No need to get defensive," Hermann replied. "But I heard what Cordova's buddy said the other night about the two of you. I think the whole bar did. And I saw the way Casey reacted and ran out of there, the way you went after him, and the look on your face when you came back in alone, grabbed your stuff, and left. It was clear Casey didn't know and wasn't happy to find out that way. So I wanted to check in and make sure you guys had worked everything out and let you know that I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks Hermann, but Matt and I had a couple of long talks. You don't need to worry about us," Gabby told him.

"Okay. Well, I don't know what happened between you and Cordova or why you didn't tell Casey. It's none of my business, but take it from the old, married guy. One of the secrets to a lasting marriage is that you're in things together. It's kind of hard to be in things together if you're not open with each other. It's you and Casey now. No matter what's going on. Remember that."

"I will," Gabby said, remembering Matt's words from yesterday. She was determined to never forget.

"Good. No one wants to see you and Casey fall apart again," Hermann offered. "One more observation from the old, married guy. No guy like's having to deal with his wife's ex whether they were blindsided by it or not."

"It's not like anything is going to happen between me and Cordova. Matt's it for me. I could never want anyone else, and he knows that," Gabby insisted. Hermann wasn't trying to imply otherwise, was he?

"That's not what I'm saying. But men, we can be not possessive but well okay maybe possessive's the best word. Casey knows he doesn't own you and that you have a past. Guy even watched you date other people before you got together, but there's no way he's not somewhat jealous of the fact that Cordova had a relationship with you too."

"He was fine with Mills, and trust me, my relationship with Pete was a lot more serious," Gabby pointed out.

"That was different. Mills was around before you dated him," Hermann said. Although Gabby didn't really see the connection. "My point goes back to what I said earlier about you and Casey being in things together. What Casey feels about this whole thing, you're with him on that. Understand?"

Gabby nodded. She still wasn't sure she was following what Hermann was saying, but it seemed like he was telling her to be there for Matt, and that was something she would always do. In fact, going to see him right now didn't seem like a bad idea. He was in his office so she got up and headed there.

* * *

Cordova was walking out of the bathroom when he saw Gabby head into the bunkroom. A smile formed on his face as he remembered Casey tell Gabby that the man would be in his office when he was eavesdropping on their conversation after lunch. His earlier attempt at talking to the captain may have been thwarted, but now not only could he still make sure the word got to Casey, but maybe this way would be more advantageous.

He paused and waited a minute before following her, figuring that that would allow her to get closer to Casey's office before they spoke and increase the odds that her husband would overhear their conversation.

"Hey Gabby," he called as he entered the bunkroom. She was already in front of the closest bunk to Casey's office.

"Yeah," she turned around to face him.

"I wanted to say thank you," Jake said as he made sure to stop somewhere where he couldn't actually see into Casey's office. This way he'd have plausible deniability if he had to claim that he didn't know her husband was in earshot.

"For what?" Gabby wasn't following.

"For keeping your promise and not telling Casey about us. I know I put you in a bad spot, especially when he found out anyways, and I'm sorry if I caused any problems for the two of you," okay so that last part was a lie, but Jake figured it was probably a white lie. It could only help his cause if she believed he felt bad about making things more difficult and being a source of tension in her marriage. "I really appreciate you helping me make sure I get a fair shot here and can prove myself as a firefighter. It's good to have you on my side in all this so thank you."

Gabby just stood there frozen. She had no idea what to say. She hadn't promised him anything, and she hadn't intended to keep quiet. She deeply regretted the fact that she hadn't been able to tell Matt herself, but she knew that was because of herself not anything she felt she owed Jake. Sure, she thought it was only right that the get a fair shake here, but she'd never believed that Matt knowing about their history would have prevented that so she had never seen why it would matter. Was it worth saying all that though?

"I'll leave you to whatever you were doing, but thanks again," Cordova said before turning and heading out of the bunkroom, a smile forming on his face once he knew Gabby couldn't see it.

Sighing, Gabby went to continue her trek to Matt's office only to notice him standing in the doorway, motioning for her to join him.

"Hey. I was just coming to see you," she smiled at her husband only to find that he didn't smile in return. "Everything okay?"

Matt didn't respond until she was in his office and he had closed the door.

"What was that about?" he asked angrily.

"What was what about?" for the second time in less than five minutes Gabby found herself completely confused by what someone was saying to her.

"That just now with Cordova. You promised him you were going to keep your past with him from me," Matt clarified.

"Matt, no. I –" Gabby started.

"After the whole conversation yesterday and the other night about you and Cordova and why you didn't tell me and honesty, this never came up," Matt didn't hear her. "You didn't think the fact that you'd promised to keep it from me was something that should be part of that conversation, that it was something I should know. I don't get it Gabby. After everything he did to you. After how much you say he hurt you, you feel like you owe him something and not me. How could choose to promise him something over being open and honest with me? I'm the one whose done nothing but love and support you."

"Matt," she reached for him. "I did not promise Cordova that I wasn't going to say anything to you. Did he ask me to wait a few shifts before saying anything? Yes, but I didn't say yes let alone promise that I would. Okay, I didn't respond right away, but that was because I was trying to figure out what to tell him when he said thanks and walked away."

"You shouldn't have had to think about what he was asking. Saying no right away should have been obvious," Matt argued.

"You're right," Gabby admitted. "It should have been, but I was blindsided. I was trying to be courteous and give him a heads up that I was going to tell you that we'd dated or whatever it was we were doing all those years ago, and his response is to ask me to lie to my husband and claim that if I don't he's not going to get a fair shake. It's not that I believed the ridiculous premise. I know you better than that, but I needed time to process what he was actually saying. I guess he mistook my silence as a promise, but it wasn't. And I didn't care that he thought I had promised not to say anything. It wasn't going to stop me from telling you the truth. Everything I said before about why I didn't tell you. Those are the only things that stopped me. I promise."

"Then why not tell me that he asked you not to say something?" Matt questioned.

"Because it didn't matter," Gabby started to explain.

"That's your excuse for everything, isn't it?" Matt was getting annoyed. "Despite everything we talked about yesterday, you're still deciding what's important and what isn't."

"That's not what I meant Matt," Gabby got defensive. "I didn't care that he thought I'd agreed to wait to tell you. What he thought didn't mean enough to me to factor into my decision about telling you anything about me and Cordova, then and now. It took me all of a minute to realize that, and then I pushed the whole conversation to the back of my mind. I'd practically forgotten about it until Cordova brought it up just now. The fact that he'd asked me not to say anything for a few more shifts didn't even cross my mind when we were talking about everything. That's why I didn't say anything. Not to hold back or decide what you needed to know or for Cordova's sake. I don't care about what's in his best interest. I care about what's in yours."

Before Matt could respond, the bells went off.

"Ambulance 61. Possible heart attack."

"I've got to go," Gabby reluctantly said. She didn't want to right now, but she knew she didn't have a choice. "We can talk more later if you want. I love you."

Gabby leaned up and placed a kiss on cheek before turning to head towards the ambo. Matt watched her until she was out of sight. Why did she have to be so infuriating? He knew the answer though. None of it would get to him if he didn't love her so damn much.

* * *

It had been a rough afternoon for Ambulance 61. Their potential heart attack had likely been an actual heart attack, but they couldn't be certain as the patient died before they got there. Since then it had been one call after another for Ambo at least. As far as Gabby knew Truck, Squad, and Engine had spent the afternoon at 51. She and Brett on the other hand had only made it back to the house once, and even then they'd only gotten as far as stepping out of the ambulance before getting called out again. She hadn't even gotten to close the door behind her. Now though they were approaching 51 once again, and while she didn't want to jinx it, Gabby really hoped they got to stay put for at least a couple hours. After all the craziness, she could use a bit of a break.

As the firehouse came into view, Gabby noticed that Truck was running drills in the driveway just as they'd been doing nearly two hours ago when she'd last been here. The realization left her disappointed. Given how they'd left things, she'd been hoping to sort things out with Matt once they got back. That was clearly going to have to wait though.

Once the ambulance came to a stop and she and Brett got out, Gabby headed towards the driveway. Figuring that if she hung out here she'd likely get to talk to Matt once the drills wrapped up. After taking a seat on 61's front bumper, Gabby quickly noticed two things though. The first was that Matt was being harder on his men than normal, and the second as that he didn't seem eager to wrap this up any time soon so after about ten minutes, she wandered inside.

Eventually though it did appear that the Truck drills did wrap up as Kidd made her way into the common room.

"You guys all done?" Gabby asked, hoping she'd be able to go find Matt now.

"Nope. Captain just gave us a five minute break," Kidd replied as she grabbed a glass of water and then took a seat next to Gabby. "Casey's in a foul mood. Any idea why?"

"Come with me," Gabby said before dragging Kidd into the empty briefing room. She was going to be honest with her friend, but that didn't mean she wanted anyone else hearing what she was going to say.

"What?" Kidd questioned as Gabby closed the door behind them.

"I'm pretty sure it's because of me," Gabby started.

"Trouble in paradise?" Kidd teased.

"Maybe…Probably," Gabby admitted. Considering how they'd left things and that man had apparently taken his frustrations out of Truck 81, it was clear things definitely hadn't been resolved. "I know you never met him, but do you remember the guy I dated briefly right after we finished up our paramedic training?"

"The guy who had no interest in meeting your friends and then cheated on you," Kidd retorted.

"It's actually a bit more complicated than that, but that's not the point," Gabby sighed. "The point is that that guy is Cordova."

"No way," if it had been physically possible, Gabby was pretty sure Kidd's jaw would have hit the floor.

"I didn't tell Casey. I was going to, but I never got the chance," Gabby continued.

"Don't tell me Cordova did. How stupid do you have to be to tell your new boss that you used to have a thing with his wife," Kidd replied.

"He didn't, but his friend showed up at Molly's the other night and pointed out that he used to date one of the owners. I don't know how the guy even knew that since I never met any of Cordova's friends either, but he did, and Matt was there to hear it and put the pieces together. Matt wasn't thrilled I hadn't said anything, but we worked it out. Had a not very fun conversation about it and well me," Gabby explained.

"Then what's the problem?" Kidd questioned.

"Will you let me finish?" Gabby requested. "One other thing happened. Last shift Cordova asked me to wait to tell Casey that we'd dated. Said he needed a few shifts to prove himself or I'd just blow things up for him. The fact that he'd asked didn't have anything to do with my not telling Matt, but earlier Cordova came up to me and thanked me for not telling Casey. He overheard though and went off on me, accusing me of putting Cordova's needs before his. I tried to explain, but before we could really work things out, Brett and I got called out, and when we got back he was drilling Truck and you were saying he's in a foul mood so it seems like that did it."

"That's ridiculous. A blind person could see how much you love Casey," Kidd observed.

"Thanks, but I'm pretty sure Matt knows I love him. It's more about whether or not he trusts me to be open and honest and put him first. Apparently, I have a problem doing that," Gabby clarified.

"Squad 3. Truck 81. Ambulance 61. Battalion 25. Car accident," a call came in before Kidd could respond. Gabby sighed. She really shouldn't have hoped. She'd definitely jinxed them.

* * *

When they got to the scene, Firehouse 51 found that an SUV had gone through a barrier and was dangling over the side of an overpass. A second car was a few feet back from the SUV's rear bumper but appeared to be vacant. Truck and Squad quickly went to work trying to stabilize the SUV and extricate both the driver and passenger. The medics meanwhile hung back. While they'd normally check on those in the car, with the way the SUV was positioned, they couldn't access either of its occupants.

"Hey, get away from there," a man called as he approached the scene.

"Sir, we're here to help," Boden turned from scene to address the man.

"They don't deserve your help," the man replied.

"Sir, whatever your beef with these people is, that's not our concern. You need to stand back and let us do our job," Boden instructed.

"No, let them die," the man wasn't backing down.

Noticing blood on the man's head, Gabby figured she could maybe help.

"Sir let me take a look at that," she suggested.

"Take a look at what?" the man asked.

"That gash on your head. It looks pretty bad," Gabby explained.

"It doesn't matter. I'll be fine. They just need to get away from that car," the man claimed.

"Sir, you could have a concussion or even lose consciousness if that isn't treated," Gabby said in an effort to get him to the gurney to be examined and his attention off the scene so that the firefighters could do their jobs.

Gabby reached up to start examining the gash, hoping it would help move things along, but before she knew it, the man was grabbing her. He spun her around and held her in a body lock. Feeling something cold and sharp against her neck, she froze in place. Taking a deep breath, she tried not to panic.

"Get away from the car or I'll slit her throat," the man demanded.

* * *

Author's Note: So I wrote the scene between Hermann and Gabby last weekend, and at the time, I had no idea that Casey was going to use practically the same words about him and Dawson being in things together in the episode. Given how he used them, I really considered taking them out, but then I couldn't figure out what else to have Hermann say and I didn't want to take the whole scene out. Hopefully, it wasn't too hard to read or too much of a reminder or anything.

And sorry if Cordova came across as over the top every time we were in his head. I swear I actually toned it down when editing, but I just don't know how else to get his character across. I'm trying to show him as extremely egotistical, obsessed, and manipulative but not psycho. Let me know how I did there.

Until next time: )


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: As always thanks to all my reviewers. Sorry for the delay with this one, especially considering how I needed Chapter 4. As I said with one of the recent Worth Fighting For chapters, I'm still trying to get my writing groove back after the finale and confirmation that Monica's left the show. I'm not giving up on my writing though. I definitely plan on keeping at it until I get my groove back, and hopefully I'll be able to update more quickly next time.

Anyways, I know you guys have been waiting for this, and I really don't have too much to say anymore so onto Chapter 5. Hope you enjoy and when you get the end, please let me know what you think.

* * *

Chapter Five

"Get away from the car or I'll slit her throat."

At the sound of those words, Matt felt a sense of panic sink in. Kidd was practically in front of him so unless a civilian woman had come onto the scene, there were only two people it could be, and he found the idea that one of those people could be in danger absolutely terrifying. To make matters worse that person had just been talking to the man who was now threatening to slit a woman's throat. As much as he didn't want to believe it, deep down he knew exactly who the woman was.

Most of the firefighters froze in place, not wanting to abandon those in the car but also not wanting to do something that could get someone they cared about killed. They were waiting for the situation to be diffused or at least for direction from Boden. Behind him, Matt could hear Severide quietly call a request for police backup into his radio. Turning away from the car accident and towards the ambo, Matt found that his worst fear was confirmed.

"Gabby," he whispered as he started walking towards where she was being held, stopping when he reached Boden's side. Something in him had shifted. He was no longer here as a firefighter. Instead he was simply a concerned and scared husband.

Meanwhile, feeling how tight the man's grip was, Gabby had no doubt that he was serious. She had no idea why he didn't want anyone to try to save the accident victims, but that didn't matter; they had an obligation to. Her coworkers would do everything they could to resolve the situation without someone getting hurt, but that might not be possible. At some point, something might have to give. With that in mind, her eyes instinctively started searching for Matt. She needed to see the man she loved. She found him walking towards her, the love in his eyes shining through. Whatever happened that was at least something she could take comfort in.

"I love you," Gabby mouthed to Matt. She hoped she'd be in his arms soon, but if things didn't work out that way, she needed to say it. With the knife to her throat, she couldn't really speak, just move her lips. The look Matt gave her in return though, told her he'd understood and that he wanted to say it back but was worried it would just make the situation more volatile.

"Sir let's talk about this," Boden said calmly despite the fact that he could feel how tense Casey was beside him. He needed to regain control of the situation.

"There's nothing to talk about. Just let the skank I made the mistake of marrying and her boy toy get what's coming to them," the man replied.

"We're not doing anything right now so just let her go," Boden motioned towards the frozen firefighters.

"Not until everyone gets away from that damn car," the man tried to order.

Watching the exchange, Jake realized that the Chief wasn't getting anywhere. The two men were just going to keep going to back and forth, neither wanting to give, until either the car went over the edge and onto the street below or the firefighters were forced to step in and Gabby was forced to pay the ultimate price, and that was a horrifying thought. This couldn't be how it ended. Not when he'd just got Gabby back in his life. Not when he hadn't yet been able to get back what they shared. Not when as she had every reason to fear for her life, the person she was obviously turning to was Casey. He saw her mouth something to Casey. He couldn't make out what it was, but judging by the look on the Captain's face, it was something personal.

Gabby hadn't even looked towards him. As far as he could tell, she hadn't noticed him standing there and silently freaking out. The fact that when she was in danger she focused on her husband hurt, but he supposed he shouldn't be surprised. He'd been out of her life for a long time. He did take comfort in the fact that really no one had noticed him despite the fact that he had been inching closer to Gabby and the man who was holding her, needing to be closer to her. It meant that at least his presence wasn't obvious, and he wasn't simply being ignored by Gabby. The realization gave him an idea. He could be the hero here. He could be the one to save her. While her husband stood there watching, he could be Gabby's hero.

Seizing the moment, Jake stopped his approach briefly when he was essentially parallel to Gabby and her captor. He took a minute to examine the scene in front of him, making sure no one saw him. When he was satisfied, he charged, ultimately tackling Gabby's captor to the ground.

It had the desired effect too. In his surprise, the man let go of Gabby, allowing her to escape. Unable to stop the momentum of Cordova ramming into them, she fell to the ground but away from the two men. She breathed a sigh of relief as she realized she was free, that she was safe, and in an instant, Matt was racing towards her.

"Gabby," he called as he went.

"Matt," she gasped as he reached her.

Crouching down next to his wife, Matt pulled her still shaking form into his arms, prompting her to reciprocate the embrace. They stayed like that for a few minutes. The two of them on the ground, holding onto each other for dear life.

"You okay?" Matt asked as he reluctantly pulled away.

"I…I think so," Gabby stammered.

"You're bleeding," Matt observed as he looked her over.

"What?" she asked, still in a daze.

"Your neck. It's bleeding," Matt explained before searching for her partner.

"Brett," he called, wanting her to examine Gabby.

"Yeah," the blonde paramedic said she approached them.

"Her neck," he pointed out, prompting Brett to crouch down and examine his wife.

"The cut isn't too deep. She should be okay," Brett said as she reached into the jump bag, grabbing gauze and tape. "We'll have them look at her when we get to Med, but I think she just needs a few stitches."

"Good," Matt said as he said sat down next to Gabby, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Cordova had continued to pin the man who'd held Gabby captive down, understanding that someone needed to make sure the man didn't do anything else to interfere with the rescue and that he was in the best position to do so. None of that had stopped the sense of jealousy that built inside him as he saw the way Gabby held onto Casey so when CPD finally arrived on scene and took the man into custody his first move was to try to break up the moment.

"You okay?" he asked Gabby as he took a seat on the ground next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, not caring that Casey had asked her the same question a few minutes earlier. He needed to hear and see it for himself.

"Yeah," Gabby said even though she was still shaken up; she didn't know him well enough anymore to say more than that. Her eyes drifted towards his hand on her shoulder. She wasn't sure why but something about the gesture made her uncomfortable. She didn't think it meant anything. He was probably just being friendly and a concerned coworker, wasn't he? She knew the rest of 51 well enough to know that they'd all been worried once they realized she'd been taken hostage. There was no reason to think Cordova wouldn't have been as well, and he was the one who was currently in a position to check on her. That had to be all it was. Still, with Matt now next to her instead of in front of her that likelihood didn't stop her from burying her head in her husband's neck, hoping it would send any necessary message.

It wasn't long before the firefighters had not only secured the car, but pulled it back up onto the bridge, allowing the paramedics to finally examine its occupants.

"I need to go do my job now," Gabby told Matt, who hadn't left her side. He didn't seem willing to let her go. She knew it was because he was worried about her and likely still freaked out about what had just happened. She was a big girl though; she would manage to plow through it, and she hoped wording things that way would lighten the mood.

"I know. I just –," Matt started and paused as he tried to figure out the words.

"I know," Gabby reassured him. "But I'm okay enough to do this. Promise."

"Okay," Matt said as he reluctantly let her go. He hoped she wasn't putting up a front, knowing that if she wasn't okay, that's exactly what she'd do. She wouldn't be the woman he'd married if he gave into what had just happened.

Getting up, Matt followed Gabby towards the car. In part it was because he knew he needed to rejoin his men. He'd essentially abandoned them once his wife got taken hostage. Mostly though it was because he wanted to keep an eye on Gabby, and he needed to be near her. Once 61 left the scene, well, it would feel like forever until the ambo returned to 51.

As Gabby and Brett examined the two people in the car, it became clear that while the passenger appeared to be okay, the driver had been badly injured, and soon, the driver was on the gurney, ready to be loaded into 61.

"Kidd, you ride with 61," Boden ordered, wanting another trained and licensed paramedic in the ambo in case things were worse with Dawson than they seemed.

"Sure thing Chief," Kidd replied before following Dawson and Brett to the ambo. While the two paramedics loaded the victim into the back, she got in the driver's seat.

Matt understood why Boden had wanted Kidd to go with 61 and not him, but that didn't change the fact that he wished it had been him, that he could have been able to stay with Gabby. What he didn't notice was that Cordova was standing and watching too, having similar thoughts.

* * *

During the ride back to the firehouse, Matt found himself ignoring the banter behind him and wondering what to do about Cordova. What had happened after Gabby had been taken hostage was out of line. It's not that he wasn't grateful that Gabby had gotten out of it seemingly without getting seriously hurt. Of course he was. If something had happened to Gabby, it would have killed him. But there was a protocol for that type of situation, and instead of following it, Cordova had ignored it and gone all cowboy, just like he'd been cavalier about everything since showing up last week. It wasn't the type of behavior he was willing to tolerate. He'd already warned Cordova once about his attitude, and that warning had clearly gone unheeded. So now how did he address it without making it look like the issue was his wife?

As Truck 81 pulled into 51, Matt was disappointed but not surprised to see that they'd beaten 61 back. Despite everyone's reassurances at the scene that Gabby was alright, he really wanted to see her. Maybe being with her would get the image of her standing frozen and terrified with a knife to her throat out of his head. Or at least remind him that it was in the past. Instead all he could do was get out of the Truck and wait.

"Casey, Cordova my office," Chief Boden called.

"Sure Chief," Casey replied as he took off his turnout coat before following Boden and Cordova.

"Close the door behind you," Boden instructed once the three men were in his office.

"What exactly was that Cordova?" Boden asked once Matt had closed the door.

"What was what?" Cordova questioned.

"What happened at the call just now after Dawson was taken hostage," Boden clarified.

"You mean my saving her," Cordova pointed out.

"He means you disobeying protocol and going off on your own," Matt hadn't discussed any of this with the Chief beforehand, but he was pretty sure where this was going. Maybe he was overstepping, especially since he didn't know why Chief had decided to be the one to handle this, but he was finally at wit's end.

"Casey's right. I was handling it. The police were on their way. Everyone else was letting it play out as they were supposed to. There was no reason for you to involve yourself the way you did," Boden agreed.

"You weren't getting anywhere. That bastard wasn't going to let Gabby go," Cordova argued.

"That was the Chief's call to make. Not yours," Matt disagreed.

"You should be thanking me Captain. If I hadn't freed your wife, who knows what would have happened. She was being held hostage by someone who was clearly willing to kill her," Cordova protested.

"Oh, you think you saved her. You could have just as easily gotten my wife killed," Matt was enraged at this point. "There's a reason that we don't automatically go to brute force in a situation like that. What if he'd seen you coming or his grip on Gabby had tightened instead of loosened or the knife had moved in a different direction? My wife could have wound up bleeding out of the street."

"Enough," Boden interrupted. "Casey, you need to calm down. As for you Cordova, he's right. What you did was reckless. I'm sure you thought you were doing the right thing, but that's not how we do things around here. You're expected to follow orders and process. Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir," Jake said although he really didn't understand Boden's anger. Casey's he got considering that he was the one who saved Gabby. It must irk Casey to know that he'd just stood there while his wife's ex had been the hero. The Chief though. He should just be grateful for the result. Why should he care about how they got there as long as the result was good?

"Good. You're dismissed Cordova," Boden said before turning his attention to Matt.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped," Matt said once the two men were along.

"Look I know this is personal for you," Boden started, making Matt wonder if he knew there was more to Gabby and Cordova's history. "With Dawson being the one who was held hostage. That's why I addressed what happened with him myself instead of letting you handle it. Seeing your wife like that, I know it couldn't have been easy, but Dawson's fine. You can't let what happened to her influence how you handle things as Captain."

"I understand," Matt replied. "Thanks Chief."

* * *

"So I think Cordova still has the hots for you," Kidd said as she plopped down next to Gabby. Dr. Choi had just stitched up her neck and left the treatment room so now she was just waiting for her discharge papers. Brett meanwhile was still filling out the paperwork from the call.

"That's ridiculous," Gabby replied.

"Really? The way he jumped in when you got taken hostage," Kidd started.

"From what I remember, he always was a bit of a cowboy. I'm sure it was just him being him. It doesn't mean anything," Gabby protested.

"And then there was the way he was staring at the ambo as we drove off earlier. It was pretty much the same way Casey was," Kidd argued.

"Until last week, Cordova and I hadn't seen or spoken to each other in over ten years. I can't even remember the last time I thought about him. I'm sure it's the same for him. There wasn't really anything between us. I mean it was basically just sex," Gabby explained.

"If you say so. I'm still gonna keep an eye on him though," Kidd said. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Brett was right. Just a few stitches," Gabby replied.

"Physically, but what about emotionally? Getting grabbed and threatened like that can't have been easy," Kidd dug in.

"Certainly wasn't the highlight of my week, but as long as I can manage not to think about it, I'm okay," Gabby answered.

"Dawson, I have your discharge papers," Maggie said as she came into the room.

* * *

After leaving Boden's office, Matt headed back to apparatus floor, leaning against the wall next to where 61 was usually parked. He needed to see Gabby, and he didn't think waiting for her went against his promise to Boden to not let what had happened interfere with his Captain duties. How could it when she was all he could think about? He was pretty sure the image of the knife pressed into her throat was something that would haunt him for a while. He was kicking himself for getting frustrated with her earlier. Sure, they were probably both still emotional after their fight and subsequent conversation yesterday, and hearing that she'd promised Cordova to keep the full extent of their past from him, whether the promise had been real or not, the fact that she'd never mentioned it had stung. Still, he shouldn't have gotten mad with her on shift over it. He shouldn't have let her walk away without saying he loved her back. Not when they were on shift. That was a lesson he should have already learned.

He wasn't sure how long he stood their waiting. It felt like forever. No one came up to him. Everyone seeming to understand who he was waiting for and that he wanted to be left alone until she got here. He knew that Gabby was at least physically okay, that she hadn't been seriously hurt. Kidd or Brett would have made sure both he and Boden knew by now if that wasn't the case. He also knew how badly she'd been shaking as he held her, how despite the tough front she'd been putting up, she was still shaking when she got into the ambo, and he couldn't help but worry about whether or not she was emotionally okay. They were first responders. They were trained to put the tough calls behind them and move on, but that didn't mean it was always easy.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the garage door opening. Looking up he saw 61 starting to back into the driveway. Gabby was finally back, and if he had his way, she wouldn't be out of his arms or at least his sight for not just the rest of shift, but for the next few days.

"Hey," Gabby said as she got out of the ambulance and saw him standing there.

"Hey," Matt said back, he wanted to immediately pull her into his arms again, but she still hadn't reached him so he settled on taking her in as she walked. There was a patch of gauze on her neck, but she appeared to be closer to her normal self than when he'd last seen her.

"You waiting for me?" she couldn't help but ask. It wasn't something he did often, but she knew that occasionally after a tough call or when he knew she'd either seen or been through something rough, he couldn't help himself.

"Guilty," Matt said as she finally reached him, and he was able to pull her into a kiss. Not caring that half the house was present, seconds after their lips met, his tongue was gracing her lips and she was giving him access to her mouth. They stayed like that, making out in the middle of the apparatus floor for longer than either of them realized.

What neither of them noticed, what almost no one had noticed, was that Cordova had walked out onto the apparatus floor the moment he heard the garage door open. He got out there just in time to see Gabby wrap her arms tightly around Casey, who she was very clearly passionately kissing. As much as he'd wanted to see her this was the last thing he wanted to see. He hadn't seen the beginning of the kiss, but considering that Casey's arms were wrapped around Gabby when he got out here, he was pretty sure the Captain had initiated it. As he curled both of his hands into fists, he tried to tell himself that Casey initiating the kiss should be some form of comfort. It didn't work though. Not when it was so obvious that Gabby was both returning the kiss and enjoying it. He knew they were married, but did Casey really have to shove it in his face? Shaking his head, he headed towards the Truck. He had to try to act cool and look like he had come out of here with some professional purpose.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kidd saw the headshake. Was she reading too much into it to think that it was a reaction to the very public display of affection between Casey and Dawson? Probably, but she couldn't help thinking it after seeing the way he'd started at Dawson earlier. Dawson may think there was nothing here, but she was going to keep an eye on him.

"Wow," Gabby said after she finally pulled away from Matt in order to breathe. Matt had always been a good kisser. That wasn't a surprise, but if they shared more than a quick peck in the firehouse it was usually in Matt's office or somewhere equally private. Not out in the open. "Someone's happy to see me."

"Always, but especially now," Matt admitted as he stroked her cheek. "How's your neck?"

"Four stitches, and they told me to keep it covered for the first few days plus when I'm on shift to be safe," Gabby answered.

"And how are you?" Matt followed up.

"Fine," Gabby replied only for Matt to eye her skeptically. "I'm hanging in there Matt, honestly, but being here with you helps."

"It's helping me too," Matt replied, wanting to make sure she knew that what had happened earlier had affected him too. When she smiled at him in return, he motioned for her to come with him, and hand in hand they headed into the house.

"How much do you wanna bet they're gonna lock themselves in Casey's office for some privacy and the bed," Capp cracked from his spot at the Squad table as the couple disappeared through the door.

* * *

"I'm sorry babe," Matt said as they entered his office and he closed the door behind him and Gabby.

"For what?" Gabby turned to face him.

"For getting mad at you earlier and snapping," he explained. "If you say you didn't promise Cordova anything and that you weren't trying to keep something from me, that you just forgot about the conversation, I believe you. I'm sorry for acting like I didn't."

"I'm not gonna lie. The fact that you just automatically assumed the worst hurt, but when I think about everything we talked about yesterday, I realize that I've given you every reason to assume the worst. If you don't trust me, it's because of what I've done or haven't done," Gabby replied. "I hated that you were mad at me. I hated that once again I didn't know if we were going to be okay, and I hate that I keep hurting you. I can't apologize enough for all of it. For hurting you and keeping things from you and shutting you out."

"I do trust you Gabby, and I could never not want us to be okay. I don't want you thinking otherwise, and I know you haven't been trying to hurt me," Matt insisted as he squeezed her hand. "And I love you so much. If something had gone wrong earlier, I don't know what I would have done."

"Hey, nothing went wrong. I'm here. I'm okay. And I love you too," she reassured him.

"I know," Matt replied as he pulled her into a hug. "I know, but I still need you right now."

* * *

Jake sat in the chair near the TV, watching the rest of the house get in line to grab dinner. Well, most of the rest of the house. Gabby and Casey hadn't emerged yet, and he unfortunately, was beginning to wonder if Capp had been right about them wanting to take advantage of the bed in Casey's office. Why else would they have been in there for nearly an hour?

"You should grab some food before its all gone," Brett called to him as she took a seat at the table.

"I'm not really hungry," he replied. It was true enough. His thoughts of what Gabby could be doing made his stomach turn, but what he couldn't say was that he was waiting for her to finally emerge. That way he could make sure that they were together in line and maybe even that they sat together. He'd be able to check on her and see for himself that she was alright.

"Suit yourself," Brett said.

When almost everyone had gotten food and sat down, Gabby and Casey finally walked into the common room, hand in hand.

"Something smells good," Gabby commented.

"I made enchiladas," Kidd said as she took a seat across from Severide.

"Yummy," Gabby replied as she and Matt approached the counter.

From where he sat, Jake got up and followed the couple towards the food, getting in line behind Gabby. He tried to examine her, but he couldn't really tell much. The patch of gauze on her neck was obvious, but otherwise there weren't any marks. She and Casey hadn't let go of each other's hands. It wasn't something he recalled seeing during the few other shifts he'd been at 51, but truthfully, he hadn't been here long enough to know if that was a common practice or simply a reaction to what had happened earlier. He wasn't sure which one was preferable. While he hated the idea that Gabby was clinging to Casey because she was struggling to cope with being held hostage, he also hated the possibility that she had convinced herself that she was so in love the man that even at work she couldn't help showing that love.

"I thought you weren't hungry," Kidd's voice pulled his attention off Gabby.

"I'm not really, but I figured Brett had a good point about grabbing something before its all gone," Jake answered. He turned towards the table as if he wanted to face Kidd, who had already sat down, to reply to her, but in truth, he was using it as an opportunity to observe the table and figure out how to sit with Gabby. He was pleased to see that all the empty seats were together on the far end of the table. He'd be able to sit either next to or across from Gabby. Unfortunately, it was pretty clear that Casey would be in the other spot.

"Thanks," Brett took his words as a compliment and smiled at him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gabby and Casey's hands break apart as Casey, now at the counter, reached for a plate. With the man's finally off Gabby, this was his chance to get her attention.

"Hey," he said to Gabby.

"Yeah," she replied once she realized he was talking to her.

"How are you really doing?" he asked.

"I'm good," Gabby told him.

"Are you sure?" he poked.

"Yes, I'm sure," she replied. "I mean its over. I'm safe. Everyone came out of it okay. The gauze is a little uncomfortable, but that's not a big deal. We've all been in tough situations before, and when it's over you just put it behind you and move forward. I'm just glad to be here with my friends and my husband. That's what I'm focusing on."

With her plate now filled, Gabby joined Matt, who had been waiting for her, and they headed to the table to sit down and eat.

As he grabbed his own food, Jake couldn't help but note how she hadn't mentioned anything about how he'd saved her. That didn't make sense to him. Sure, she implied that she just wanted to put what had happened behind her, but she must be grateful. Wouldn't she at least want to thank him? Had Casey gotten to her? Or was she just trying to hide the fact that he had been her hero from her husband?

Once he had his dinner, he headed towards the table. Gabby was sitting next to Casey. Sitting ridiculously close to Casey in his opinion; they were essentially still touching each other. So he took a seat across from her. At least the table made it harder to see how close they were.

"You know you gave all of us quite a scare earlier. You must have been terrified," Jake said once he was seated.

"I trusted the Chief to be able to get things under control," Gabby replied. Of course, she'd been terrified. It was the only natural human reaction in that circumstance, but she wasn't going to admit it to Cordova.

"It didn't seem to be working," Jake pointed out.

"You gotta have more faith in Boden than that, and I knew that everyone there wouldn't do anything that could make things worse unless they didn't have a choice," Gabby said although she wondered if that was really true. She didn't think Cordova had intentionally put her in danger. He'd always been so confident that he didn't probably didn't stop to consider that he probably hadn't stopped to consider whether or not he was putting her in more danger. That didn't change the fact that it had been reckless though. He could have made things worse. "Look, can we talk about something else?"

"Feeling the knife against your throat, no one would blame you if you were scared or thought you could die. Anyone would have," Jake continued to press.

"I don't want to have this conversation," Gabby was starting to get upset. Pushing her plate away, she spoke again. "I'm not really hungry. Thanks for dinner though Kidd." With that, she got up and headed out of the room.

Jake couldn't believe it. He hadn't expected her to react like that. He just wanted her to admit that he'd been her hero and that she was grateful to him for saving her. He had figured that if he could just get her to admit that she was scared, then the rest would naturally follow whether she'd admitted it to herself or not. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed her on the topic in front of everybody, but what were the chances he'd be able to get time alone with her this shift? Given how Casey had reacted in Boden's office earlier, the Captain was undoubtedly going to spin the whole thing against him. He needed to have the conversation with Gabby before that happened. Hopefully, it hadn't already happened, but the man was completely glued to her side. Hell, Casey had already gotten up to go after her. He should do that too. Apologize and maybe he could take back control of the situation.

"Cordova, sit back down and let her be," Kidd instructed as soon as he started getting up.

"I just want to apologize for upsetting her," Cordova argued but the look she was giving him made him wonder if she was buying it. The last thing he needed was for her to be suspicious of him. That would likely make it harder to discretely work to get Gabby back so reluctantly he sat back down and returned his attention to his plate.

* * *

Gabby hadn't just left the room, she'd left the firehouse, only stopping when she was in the middle of the firehouse driveway, bending down she put her hands on her knees, taking deep breaths. She needed air. She needed to breathe. Why had Jake insisted on talking about what had happened earlier, especially after she's made clear she didn't want to think about it? And why did he seem so fascinated with whether or not she had been scared? None of it made any sense. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her back.

"Hey," Matt said.

"Matt," she stood up, turning around to face him. In an instant, his hand was on her cheek, wiping away the tears she hadn't even realized were falling. "I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to think about it, and he just kept pushing."

"I know. Come here," Matt said as he pulled her into a hug.

"I just want to forget it. Why can't I just forget it?" Gabby mumbled as she sobbed into his chest.

"Because it happened, and you need to let it out and really feel it. This isn't something you can just bottle up or it'll eat at you," Matt started to rub her back. "It's okay though Gabby. You're safe now, and I've got you. I've got you."

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks for reading this one guys. Hope you enjoyed it, and remember the review button's right below.

Until next time : )


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: As always thanks to all my reviewers and those who have favorited or followed this story. I also want read and reviewed the post-finale one shot I didn't intend to write. Thinking about it still makes me go if only.

Apologies for the delay with this one and Worth Fighting For. I am trying, but things are still going slower than I would like with both stories. That said I think I'm mostly done with the WFF chapter so hopefully it'll only be a couple more weeks.

Anyways, I don't seem to have a lot to say anymore so onto the story. Hope you enjoy and when you get to the end, please let me know what you think.

* * *

Chapter Six

"You ready to go?" Gabby asked Matt as she stuck her head in Matt's office. She and Matt had reacted to her being held hostage yesterday by spending the rest of shift glued to each other's sides. Last night, she'd even snuck into Matt's office when she was pretty sure everyone else was asleep so that she could lay in the comfort of his arms. But Ambo had gotten called out first thing this morning only to return with a few minutes left in shift. With third watch in the midst of rolling in, most of the guys were getting ready to head out.

"Yeah," Matt smiled as he looked up. He had been using Gabby's call to take care of some of the paperwork he'd put off in order to spend time with his wife. There was not reason it couldn't wait until next shift though.

"Good. You know when we get home, I could really go for a nice long relaxing bubble bath. Care to join me?" she suggested as Matt got up from his desk and took her hand.

"Always," Matt replied. He knew he couldn't blow off his construction job this afternoon, not when he'd rescheduled it the other day to spend time with Gabby after their fight, but he still felt a need to spend as much time with her and be as close to her as possible.

They headed to the locker room to change out of their uniforms, only letting go of each other's hands when it came time to open their individual lockers.

"Hey," Kidd came up to Gabby as she was pulling her shirt over her head. "We still on for Molly's tonight?"

"Yeah. Why don't you bring Severide? I'll bring Casey, and we can make it a double date," Gabby replied. Neither lady was supposed to work tonight, but they'd previously discussed meeting up and hanging out.

"Severide and I aren't –" Kidd started to protest.

"Yeah sure. Keep telling yourself that," Gabby rolled her eyes just as Matt approached them, all ready to go. "I'll see you around 7."

"See you then," Kidd called.

Gabby and Matt headed through the firehouse and towards Matt's truck. They made it onto the apparatus floor before being stopped by Cordova, who had practically run after them.

"Gabby," he called.

"Hi Cordova," she responded apprehensively. They hadn't spoken since dinner the previous evening when he'd tried to force her to talk about the hostage situation.

"Look Gabby, I wanted to apologize for what happened at dinner last night. I was trying to be supportive not upset you. I just wanted you to know that I was there for you if you needed me," Jake claimed. It wasn't a complete lie. That had been part of what he was trying to do, and he definitely wanted her to feel like she could lean on him.

"Because not letting go of a subject after someone's made clear they don't want to talk about it is being real supportive," Matt couldn't resist as Cordova continued to wear on his nerves. It also occurred to him that this guy kept referring to his wife by her first name and not as Dawson like any other firefighter would have.

"Matt," Gabby scolded her husband before turning her attention to Cordova. "Thanks. I'm good though so just forget about it. We need to get going so have a good couple of days. We'll see you next shift."

As he watched them walk away, Jake couldn't help but smile. Not only had Gabby accepted his apology, but while it had been brief and Gabby hadn't seemed interested in staying to talk, she clearly hadn't appreciated the way Casey snapped at him simply for apologizing. With any luck this was a positive sign that discord in their marriage had finally begun.

"What was that?" Gabby asked once she was sure Cordova was out of earshot.

"What was what?" Matt asked in return.

"That just now with Cordova. The way you snapped at him," Gabby clarified.

"Something about the guy just rubs me the wrong way," Matt admitted.

"Could that something be my past with him?" Gabby questioned. If Matt wanted her to do a better job of opening up to him, then he needed to open up to her too. If being confronted by her past bothered him, she needed to know.

"No. Not directly at least," he replied. "It's his personality. How cavalier he is and that ego. I guess that attitude probably played a part in what he did to you, but it's more how he's acting now. How eager he's been about taking Otis's spot, how he just wants to brush Otis off. I've tried to warn him that it needs to stop, but he just doesn't listen. The fact that he upset you last night. Really his whole attitude about what happened yesterday. I know you don't want to talk about it so I'll be brief, but when Boden was chewing him out for ignoring protocol, he started going on about how he saved you. Told me I should be thanking him. Was condescending about it too."

"He's always had a healthy ego. He was better at hiding it before but looking back it was definitely there so I guess I'm not surprised that he sees himself as the hero. Why would he be condescending about it though? He probably was trying to get on your good side. If he knew you had a problem with him, he'd want to give you a reason to like him, and he probably figured that getting me out of that situation had helped to make his case," Gabby suggested as she opened the passenger door on Matt's truck and got in.

"You weren't there Gabby. You didn't hear how he said it. And even before that call yesterday. Do you really think it's a coincidence that he was thanking you for not telling me the full extent of your relationship when I was in earshot?" Matt continued as he started the engine and drove off.

"That doesn't even make sense. He wants to stay on 81, and as long as he does, you're his captain. You knowing that he asked me not to say anything about the full extent of our history, can only make you not trust him, and that's gonna hurt him," Gabby argued. "He has every reason to want to keep that from you, not let you know."

"Maybe," Matt wasn't really buying it, but he couldn't come up with a counterargument. Gabby had a valid point. "But I still don't like him or trust him, and I can't help feeling like he's not really as innocent as he's trying to be."

"I know he's arrogant and smug and kind of rude. I don't think he realizes how what he's doing affects and is viewed by others. Something's changed since I last knew him or maybe I've changed, and I see him differently now. He had a high opinion of himself, but he wasn't so domineering about it. If you'd told me back then that he'd wind up spending years in the floater pool, I wouldn't have believed it. He was a good firefighter. Someone I thought was going places. I have no idea what happened since then, but it's probably why he's acting that way. I'm sure he just wants to prove himself and get out of the floater pool," Gabby defended Cordova.

"I don't know Gabby. If I were a floater, I think I'd want to keep my head down and prove myself by doing my job as well as I could. Not by going around getting on everyone's nerves, talking myself up, and being disrespectful," Matt disagreed.

"You've never been a floater though," Gabby pointed out.

"Are you saying you think I'd act that way?" Matt questioned. He couldn't believe it. Did Gabby really have a low opinion of his character?

"Of course not. I don't think you have it in you to act that way in any circumstance. Honestly, seeing Cordova again and how he turned out and how you turned out, makes me even more grateful that I didn't wind up with him and instead wound up with you. My point is though that you can't really judge someone for how they act in a situation you've never been in and probably don't understand," Gabby clarified.

"Trust me no one is more grateful that you didn't end up with Cordova than I am," Matt replied, the words suddenly making a possible explanation dawn on him. "Could that be part of it though? Why he wants me thanking him and would want me to overhear that he thought you agreed to not tell me about your past with him? The fact that I ended up with you. Think about it. The guy keeps calling you Gabby. Even I usually manage to call you Dawson on shift."

"You know you have absolutely no reason to be jealous," Gabby couldn't help laughing. The suggestion just seemed so ridiculous.

"I'm not jealous. I'm just wondering if part of why he's been acting the way he has is because we're together," Matt replied.

"As I told Kidd, there's no way the guy has feelings for me after all this time. I'd be shocked if he actually felt anything for me beyond a physical attraction and arousal back then," Gabby disagreed. "And he worked with me for two shifts. For the most part, he really only knew me in the context of Gabby so I wouldn't read anything into that. It's probably just what remembers calling me before."

"My point isn't about whether or not he has feelings for you. For someone with that big of an ego, it's got to be hard to realize that an ex of his, and we know from that guy at Molly's that he considers you an ex. That an ex of his is happy with someone else," Matt explained. "Maybe his ego can't handle it, and he feels like he needs to prove to us and maybe even himself that he's better than me."

"If that's what he's trying to do, then he's doing a really bad job of it. Nothing he's done would make me think he's a better man than you. More the opposite," Gabby wasn't sure she bought it. "Look Matt. I know you don't like Cordova, and even if we don't agree on his motives I don't like him very much either at this point. So can we just agree to disagree on him? I don't want to fight with you about him."

"I don't want to fight about him either. He's not worth it," Matt agreed as he pulled into the parking lot at their apartment building. "So why don't we go inside, get into that bath, and spend the next couple of hours reminding ourselves just how lucky we are."

"Deal. Just remember that my neck can't get wet," Gabby reminded him with a sly smile.

* * *

Jake sat in his car outside Molly's just before seven that evening, waiting for some sign of Gabby. Not only had he been in the locker room this morning when she'd come in with Casey, but he'd been perfectly positioned to secretly eavesdrop on her conversation with Kidd. He knew all about the ladies' plans to meet up here tonight along with Casey and Severide and have a double date. It was practically perfect. Sure, he'd wished he'd been the husband Gabby was bringing on a double date, but a plan had instantly started forming in his head. Of all the places they could have a double date, Molly's was just making it so easy. He could show up, looking like he was just interested in having a drink and hanging out, like he had no idea that the four of them were going to be here or what they were doing. Then he could interrupt the date and worm his way into their conversation while looking completely innocent. He'd get to spend time with Gabby and make sure she wasn't really able to do anything couple-y with her husband. It would be less a date and more a bunch of coworkers hanging out. As he said it was practically perfect. The key was he just needed make it look like he arrived either at the same time or just after Gabby. Otherwise, he risked being settled and engaged in conversation with someone else, making it harder for him to break away and join Gabby while keeping his true intentions hidden so now he had to wait for her to get here.

Kidd and Severide had showed up about ten minutes ago, but unless he'd missed something, there hadn't been any sign of Gabby or Casey. He hoped she'd get here soon. He really wanted to get out of this car. Trying to look inconspicuous, he'd parked near the corner across the street from the bar, figuring it gave him a good view of who was coming and going, and turned the car off. He wanted to make it look like no one was in here waiting for the right time to get out. Gabby and Casey couldn't even suspect that much. Casey wasn't stupid. It would probably make the captain suspicious, and while he was sure that eventually Gabby would understand and appreciate the gesture, something told him that right now she wouldn't.

Finally, his patience was rewarded, and he saw Gabby approaching the bar form the opposite direction. The very sight of her in a tight dark blue dress, a similar shade to the bra she had been wearing when he'd first laid eyes on her chest in 129's locker room, was enough to bring a smile to his face. It was like somewhere deep inside she knew she'd see him tonight and that he loved her in the color and had worn it just for him. There was no way Casey appreciated her in that color as much as he did. Even though she was so far away, he could already feel himself start to harden at the image of her in that color. Briefly, he wondered if he had time to jerk off to a fantasy of him and her and that dress in his bedroom but decided he didn't and his car was probably not the right place for that so he turned his attention back to her heading into the bar.

The smile on his face got even bigger when he realized that there was no sign of Casey. Gabby was alone. Were things between them not at they appeared at the firehouse? Was that just an act to cover up problems at home? That would certainly be nice, but then why would she have suggested a double date if things were so bad that she wouldn't have actually wanted to bring her husband? It had sounded like she and Kidd had originally been planning to get together by themselves. Maybe things were already progressing so well and she was so upset about how Casey had been rude to him earlier that they were already fighting and she'd decided to ditch Casey for the night. Either way there might be a chance that he wouldn't have to jerk off to that fantasy tonight. If things were bad enough, he might just be able to make it reality instead.

As Gabby opened the door to Molly's, he decided he'd waited long enough and got out of the car to head in himself. He entered the bar just in time to see Gabby grab a seat across from Kidd and Severide, who were sitting at a table along the wall. It was close enough that be could pass it and probably catch a little of their conversation on his way to the bar to get a drink without going out of his way. He'd decided before leaving his apartment earlier that he'd have to go get a drink and not immediately join them. That would be the more normal thing to do.

"Where's Casey? I thought this was a –" Kidd asked worried that she'd misunderstood, and this wasn't really a double date.

"Don't worry it is," Gabby seemed to sense what Kidd was thinking and cut her off. "Casey had a construction job this afternoon and it took longer than expected so we decided we'd just meet here. He texted me that he was finished and on his way while I was driving here. My guess is he'll be here in about ten minutes."

Those were the last words Jake heard before he was out of earshot, and he couldn't help feeling disappointed. Clearly, he'd been too optimistic earlier. He'd just have to stick with the original plan.

"Wait does this mean he's gonna be all sweaty and smelly when he gets here?" Kidd made a face.

"It won't be that bad. This wasn't the type of job that would do that," Gabby answered. "At most he'll maybe be a little sweaty. And if he is, at least it's sexy."

"You might be a little too happily married Dawson," Severide pointed.

"What?" Gabby questioned.

"Casey being sweaty and gross is sexy, really?" Severide explained.

"Well, it is," Gabby defended herself.

"Yeah, definitely too happily married," Severide chuckled.

"Oh, just you wait Kelly Severide. Just you wait," Gabby's eyes drifted between her two friends. She thought they were a good match, and despite Kidd's protests that this wasn't anything serious, she really hoped that this was the relationship of Severide's that actually lasted. "Besides, there's no such thing as being too happily married."

"Woah. Woah. Woah," Kidd noticed the way Gabby had looked at them. "You're getting way ahead of yourself Dawson."

"I don't mean tomorrow, but no matter how much you both insist this isn't serious, the only people you're fooling is maybe yourselves," Gabby retorted.

"Hi guys," Jake interrupted them before either Kidd or Severide could reply. Beer finally in hand he came up to the table and plopped into the empty seat next to Gabby. Casey coming separately and being late may not have been what he was hoping for, but at least it had his advantages. The free stool with it's proximity to Gabby being a prime example. By sitting here, he'd be able to keep her husband farther away. The man would likely have to pull up a stool and get stuck at the head of the table.

"Ummmm….Hi Cordova," Gabby stammered. She didn't want to be rude, but him joining them had definitely not been part of her plan for the night. This was supposed to be a private evening with her, her husband, and their closest friends. Not some free from for all for their coworkers to come join them. While the convenience and comfort of Molly's was always attractive, she'd only chosen the place because aside from Hermann, who was working, it sounded like no one else was going to be here tonight. Checking in on Cordova's plans had never occurred to her though. She'd thought what happened the other day would make him want to stay away. She didn't know how many friends he had throughout the CFD or among Molly's patrons, but of course with no one else from 51 here, it made sense that he'd head over to them.

"You're not drinking?" Jake noticed that Gabby didn't have anything in front of her.

"I'm waiting for Matt to get here," Gabby replied.

"Matt?" Jake questioned.

"Casey," Kidd cut in. "That's his first name, and he should be here any minute."

"Well, I can get you something while you wait if you want," Jake offered, trying to be chivalrous. If she wanted a man to get her a drink, why couldn't he be that man?

"Thanks, but I'm good," Gabby said. While she appreciated the offer, she really did have a reason for waiting for her husband. She figured she could take advantage of her owner privileges and slip behind the bar to get them drinks without having to wait. It didn't make sense to do that until he was here though, or she'd just wind up going back there twice.

"You sure? I really don't mind," Jake told her.

"She said she's good," Kidd snapped at him, prompting a confused look from Severide and a glare from Gabby.

Gabby's glare didn't last long as out of the corner of her eye she saw the door open. Her gaze automatically shifted towards it, hoping that Matt was finally here. She was rewarded when a moment later he emerged.

"I'll be right back," she said as she suddenly started smiling at the sight of her husband before getting up to greet Matt.

"Hi babe," she greeted Matt before pulling him into a kiss. If Matt was right, and Cordova's ego couldn't handle the fact that she was happily married, then maybe showing it would get him to leave them alone for the night and they could have their double date in peace.

"Well, that was quite the greeting," Matt smiled at her once they pulled apart.

"I love you, and I'm happy to see you," Gabby explained.

"I wasn't complaining. Just wasn't what I was expecting," Matt replied.

"Want something to drink?" Gabby asked.

"I could go for a beer," Matt answered.

"Then come with me," Gabby took his hand and led him towards the bar.

"What's he doing here?" Matt noticed Cordova as they passed their table.

"He just kind of showed up and sat down with us," Gabby explained.

"Great. This was supposed to be just the four of us," Matt muttered. He really didn't want to have to spend any part of the evening with Cordova.

"I know, but I didn't know what else to do. To kick him out of our table would just be rude and probably make him feel unwelcome at 51. It's not like anyone else from the house or really a lot of CFD folks are here tonight so who else is he going to hang out with tonight?" Gabby defended herself.

"I get that. I was just looking forward to a night out with my wife. Now I have to deal with him," Matt said.

"Well, you still get a night out with your wife," Gabby said as she slipped behind the bard. "If anyone is going to have to deal with anything, it's going to have to be him dealing with the fact that he's interrupting a date."

"Maybe," Matt said as he eyed the table and realized there wasn't really anywhere for him to sit.

"Here," Gabby interrupted his thoughts as she handed him a bottle of his favorite beer and then took one for herself.

"Thanks," Matt turned his attention back to the table briefly. "Suppose it would be inappropriate to order him to move. Guess I'll have to grab a stool. Do you think we could squeeze two in where you were sitting?" If he had any say in the matter, he was at least going to get to sit close enough to Gabby to put an arm around her.

"I have a better idea," Gabby had a twinkle in her eye as she emerged from behind the bar. "That stool is pretty sturdy. I'm sure it could hold us both. Why don't I just sit on your lap?"

"I like the way you think," Matt smiled.

"Good," Gabby placed a peck on his lips before they headed back to the table hand in hand.

"I was beginning to think you two had gotten so lost in each other that you forgot about us," Kidd teased as they approached.

"Captain, what are you doing here?" Cordova pretended that he hadn't realized Casey would be here while also trying to ignore the jealously that raged within him at close the couple seemed to be. Despite the fact that they were holding hands, they still managed to be practically flush against each other.

"It is _my wife's_ bar," Matt made sure to emphasize my wife as he responded. "We've always hung out here and had planned to meet Severide and Kidd here tonight."

"No offense meant," Jake knew it was a subtle hint that he was intruding on what was supposed to be a double date, but he pretended not to get the message. "When I saw that Gabby was here by herself earlier, I just assumed you were doing something else."

"Well, I'm not doing something else," Matt said rather bluntly as he took a seat.

A moment later, Gabby had climbed into his lap. She took a swig of her beer before leaning her head back against his chest. Matt wrapped one arm around her waist, holding her securely against him but also allowing him to use his other arm to take her hand in his. Smiles formed on both their faces as Gabby settled in.

Meanwhile, Jake found himself forced to take a drink simply to keep a scowl off of his face. It was still early, but so far intruding on their double date had nothing to help him out. If it anything, it was a forcible reminder that they were actually together. From the kiss they'd greeted each other with to the way they'd walked and laughed to and from the bar to how they were now sitting. His sitting here was supposed to force them apart not bring them together. He'd have to come up with something. Maybe bring up stories from when he and Gabby had worked together before or from when they were together. Something that would leave everyone else out and let him and Gabby sink into their own world. A way to remind the captain that he knew the man's wife, that he'd been with her. If he could make the man feel left out and jealous, well something told him Gabby wouldn't find Casey's reaction very attractive.

"See not all sweaty and smelly and gross," the sound of Gabby's voice pulled Jake's attention back to the present and to her.

"Huh?" both he and Casey asked at practically the same time.

"When I told Kidd and Severide that you were running late and would be coming straight from your construction job, Kidd got worried that you'd be gross and smelly," Gabby addressed Matt as she explained, ignoring Cordova's confusion. She may not have the heart to ask him to leave, but she could at least primarily pay attention to the people she had intended to spend the evening with, the people she still really wanted to be spending the evening with.

"And Dawson's response was to say that if you were at least she would think it was sexy," Kidd pointed out, mainly for Cordova's benefit.

"And apparently Kidd and Severide found that strange," Gabby teased her friends.

"Well, if you think sweaty men are sexy, it's no wonder you keep sleeping with firefighters despite what you used to say about not dating people from work," Jake figured this was a good way to remind Casey about the full extent of his past with Gabby.

"It's not like I'm sleeping around. I'm a happily married woman, who happens to have a very sexy husband," Gabby got offended. "And the fact that he's a firefighter doesn't –"

"So what brings you by tonight Cordova? I don't think I've seen you here before," Severide cut in. Not understanding what was really going on, he figured he'd quickly change the subject and hopefully defuse the situation.

"There's this Japanese restaurant not too far from here that I've been meaning to try for a while now. They're supposed to have really great teriyaki and that's one of my favorites. My brother and I planned to meet there tonight, but he had car trouble and couldn't make it. I was already there when he called to let me know, but they were swamped so I figured that instead of waiting who knows how long just to eat by myself, I'd head here. It's always sounded like most of 51 hangs out here regularly so I figured it would be a good way to get to know my new house. Have to admit, I thought more of the guys would be here," Jake decided it was a white lie. Of course, it helped that the restaurant was real and was known for their teriyaki. He could attest to that since he'd actually been there before. No reason for them to know that though. "You know Gabby, you should check it out. If I remember correctly, you always had a thing for salmon teriyaki. I think I saw you order it several times back in the day. I can give you the name of the restaurant." He just hoped that since she didn't think he'd actually been there and wanted to try it, she'd think to go with him.

"If you're talking about the place I think you're talking about, Matt and I have been there several times," Gabby wasn't paying enough attention to notice the look of disappointment that briefly flashed across Cordova's face. She did however give him a small, polite smile. "And it's a shame your brother couldn't make it tonight because yes, the food is quite good. The two of you should definitely actually go there sometime."

"Anything you'd recommend?" Cordova figured he should play along, especially since she was smiling at him.

"The teriyaki is pretty good. Whoever told you about it was right. I personally go for sushi though," Matt interjected.

"And then you wind up stealing some of my food," Gabby couldn't help but laugh.

"I did say the teriyaki was good, didn't I?" Matt defended himself. "And I always give you a California roll in exchange for it."

"So Cordova you're a fan of Japanese food I take it? We could always go for some around 51. Beef teriyaki tends to be a popular dinner," Kidd butted into the conversation, trying to steer Cordova's focus off of Gabby.

"Why don't I make salmon teriyaki next shift," Cordova kept talking to Gabby.

"Most of the guys prefer beef or chicken to fish," Kidd informed him.

"But whatever you want to make should be fine," Severide said, the words earning him a glare from Kidd.

The five of them continued to make small talk for a while with Gabby, Matt, Severide, and especially Kidd trying to subtlety hint that this had been intended to be a date, and thus, Cordova was really just being a fifth wheel. For his part, Cordova continued to primarily try to engage Gabby and make Casey jealous. Eventually though, he got up.

"I could use another drink," Cordova said as he stood. "Anyone else want one? I don't mind buying another round."

"I'm good," Kidd replied.

"Me too," Gabby agreed.

"I could –," Severide started only to get elbowed by Kidd. "I could probably wait a bit longer but thanks."

"I haven't finished this one," Matt held up his beer bottle to show that it wasn't empty.

"Okay then. I'll be right back," Cordova said before walking away.

"So," Kidd whispered once he was out of earshot. "Since someone isn't taking the hint that this is a date, why don't we get out of here? You guys wanna come over to our place?"

"Sure. We just need to make it look like we're not just ditching him," Gabby replied.

"If I were you, I wouldn't be too worried about hurting his feelings," Kidd said. "Who knows how he might interpret it."

"First of all, you're being ridiculous with all of this. And I don't really care how he interprets it. We all have to work with him until Otis comes back," Gabby pointed out.

"I think I'm missing something," Severide said. "You following Casey?"

"I'll explain on the way home," Kidd told him.

In response to Severide's question, Casey simply nodded, remembering his conversation with Gabby that morning. Meanwhile, Gabby glared at Kidd, trying to send her friend a silent reminder that she wasn't supposed to tell anyone that Gabby had once dated Cordova.

"You two should leave first. Kelly and I will follow a little while later," Kidd instructed.

"If they're coming to our apartment, wouldn't it make sense for us to get there first so we can let them in," Severide suggested.

"Remember that thing I said I'd tell you about on the way home? Well, when I do, you'll understand why this is a much better option," Kidd replied before reaching into her bag, grabbing her keys, and sliding them across the table. "Here. You guys feel free to let yourself in and make yourself comfortable. We'll try to leave about ten minutes after you do."

"Thanks," Gabby took the keys and put them into her own pocket just as Kidd looked up and saw Cordova returning.

"You know who is heading our way. Everyone know what to do?" Kidd whispered.

"Yeah," Gabby nodded and quietly spoke before raising her voice. "So did Brett call you earlier to tell you about Otis?"

"What about Otis? Did something happen?" Severide grew concerned.

"Something good," Gabby smiled. "As of this morning, he's out of the hospital and back at home. He's still got limited mobility and isn't fully self-sufficient, but he's made enough progress that he doesn't need a wheel chair or anything. Brett, Cruz, and Lily are doing what they can to take care of him, and they got a home health aide to help him out, especially when we're on shift and Lily's at work. Still, considering that not that long ago, we were worried he might be paralyzed, it's great news."

"He's made a lot of progress already At this rate, if he keeps it up, then maybe it won't be too long before he's back behind the wheel of 81," Matt added in part for Cordova's benefit.

"Good for him," Cordova tried to sound sincere. As much as he didn't want Otis back on 81 anytime soon if ever, he knew Gabby was friends with the guy and cared about what happened to him. That meant he had to care about the guy's recovery even if he was also hoping it was only partial.

"Gabby and I were gonna give him the day to get settled in and then stop by tomorrow. It sounds like he's up for visitors," Matt continued as if Cordova hadn't spoken.

"I'll give Brett a call in the morning and check in," Kidd said just as Matt let out a yawn. Given their plan, she was pretty sure it was fake, but he was a good actor. If she hadn't known better, she would definitely have believed it was real.

"Tired babe?" Gabby asked.

"Yeah. Guess that construction job took more out of me than I realized," Matt answered.

"We should probably head home then," Gabby said as she started to grab her stuff.

"Sounds good," Matt agreed before turning his attention towards everyone else at the table. "Sorry guys. Looks like we're calling it a night."

"Didn't you two come separately? Just because Casey wants to go to bed, doesn't mean you can't stay and have some fun," Jake tried to argue. He was liking this turn of events and the chance it gave him to potentially spend some time out with Gabby and not her husband. If he played his cards right, he could probably get Kidd and Severide to leave too. He'd have to wait a little bit so it wasn't obvious what he was doing, but if he "accidentally" spilled his drink on one of them, it would probably do the trick. Then it would be just him and Gabby. Alone and out for an evening even if it wasn't actually a date. It presented the perfect opportunity to reminisce and remind her of the good times and also show her how much he'd grown. That he wasn't still the guy that had hurt both her and Diana. That in losing both of them, he'd learned his lesson, and that if he could do it all over again, he would have done things very differently. Okay, all of that was probably too much to get out of a couple hours alone together, but he could tackle at least the first few.

"You're missing the point. If Casey's going to bed, Dawson wants to be right there with him. I bet that yawn was just an act. An excuse to ditch us and go home and have some happily married private time. Within half an hour, they'll probably be in the throes of passion. They probably planned it before Dawson even got here," Kidd told Cordova, making note of the look of disgust that flashed across his face even if it was gone in an instant. Most people might not appreciate the image of their coworkers having sex, but most people also wouldn't look so disturbed by the thought, especially when those coworkers were married. Despite what Dawson believed, everything that happened tonight reinforced her belief that Cordova wanted the paramedic back.

"When Matt and I make love is none of your business," Gabby stuck her tongue out at Kidd.

"And that wasn't exactly a denial," Kidd retorted, prompting Gabby to kick her under the table. "Hey," she cried in response.

"I'm a bit tired too, and the plan was always for Matt and me to get to spend time together tonight. Even if it's not a night out, there's no reason to change that. We can enjoy a night together at home just as much." Gabby defended herself. She didn't deny that they were going home to have sex, and even though that wasn't the case, at least not yet, who knows what would happen when she and Matt actually got home, she figured it wasn't a big deal if Cordova interpreted her response that way. So what if he thought she and Matt were heading home solely to get intimate? He didn't have a right to have any sort of opinion on her sex life. He'd never had one actually. Not when he'd been sleeping with someone else the entire time they were together. Besides, it would mean he wouldn't have any inkling that all four of them were ditching him and going somewhere else.

"Well, your company will be missed," Cordova told her as he desperately tried and failed to think of some other way to keep her here. A part of him couldn't help thinking that he should have let the air out of one of tires before heading into the bar so that Casey wound up going home without her, and Gabby had to come back in for help. Then he could have helped her out, putting the spare on and once again being the person who came to her rescue. A larger part of him knew that probably wouldn't be how it played out though. Something told him that Gabby wasn't a damsel in distress and that instead she was more than capable of dealing with a flat tire on her own, and even if she wasn't most likely Casey would have still been there and able to step in. She probably would not end up back in the bar seeking his help.

"Thanks," Matt tried to convince himself that Cordova had been addressing both of them. In reality though, it was just something else that rubbed him the wrong way.

"We'll see you guys next shift," Gabby said as she took Matt's hand.

"Or maybe at Otis's tomorrow," Severide suggested.

"Yeah. Sounds good. Have a good night," Matt said before the couple headed out of the bar.

"So Cordova are you and your brother close?" Kidd asked.

"Huh?" Jake wasn't following.

"You said you were supposed to meet your brother for dinner, but he cancelled at the last minute. I'm wondering how close the two of you are," Kidd clarified. "I don't have siblings. Kelly doesn't either for that matter. And I've always found sibling relationships fascinating."

"Oh right," Jake replied before going on to talk a little about his relationship with his younger brother. They shifted to a couple of other topics over about the next ten minutes before Kidd decided it was time to present an excuse for her and Severide to take their leave.

"Look at the time," she said as she took a quick peak at her watch. "We need to get going."

"Didn't realize so much time had passed," Severide played along and looked down at his own watch.

"The woman who lives across the hall from us had to go out of town for the night," Kidd turned her attention to Cordova. "We agreed to take care of her dog, but the little thing can't handle being in the crate for more than a few hours at a time." It was another lie, but she wasn't too concerned about it.

"Well, have a good night," Cordova replied. With Gabby already gone, he didn't care what they did. He'd already lost his chance to get closer to her tonight, and that was the main reason he'd come. Once everything there was as it should be, then he could build a meaningful relationship with the people in her life and the people he'd be working with. She was priority number one, and it was important to keep his priorities straight if he was going to succeed.

He took a drink as he watched them walk away. Once the door had closed behind them, he pounded his fist against the table. Nothing about tonight had gone as he'd hoped. Not only had Gabby practically ignored him, she'd been all over Casey for the evening. It was almost as if she was trying to play hard to get, but that didn't really seem her style. Maybe she was trying to rub her marriage in his face as a defense mechanism? A way to keep herself from having to acknowledge her feelings for him? Given how badly he knew he'd hurt her, he doubted she'd easily give in to them.

"Hey. Mind if I join you?" a brunette approached him and smiled flirtatiously, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Cordova couldn't help looking her over. She was tall and leggy with a nice bust and a tan. She was hot and definitely his type. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have thought twice about it. He would have immediately told her to sit down and started thinking about how far they would go tonight, hoping that he could get her into bed. These weren't normal circumstances though. He was still too angry about Gabby to be himself.

"Sorry. I was just about to leave," he told her instead. "Maybe another time though."

With that he got up and walked past her and out of the bar. As he approached his car, he couldn't help but wonder if when he got home, he'd still be able to conjure up happy images of Gabby in that deep blue dress.

* * *

Author's Note: So thoughts?

Until next time : )


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter or who checked in to say they missed the story.

Apologies for the long delay again. I'm still struggling with my writing and still trying to get past it so I can't promise the next chapter will be up any faster but know that I have every intention of continuing to write.

Anyways, I hope this is at least worth the wait. And as always, when you get to the end, please let me know what you think.

Until next time : )

* * *

Chapter Seven

"Would you mind putting my bag in your locker so I can get started on breakfast?" Gabby asked as she and Matt got out of his truck to head into Firehouse 51. The fact that she had breakfast duty this morning serving as a convenient excuse for avoiding the locker room. She was pretty sure she'd seen Cordova head into the house as they'd pulled up, and after he'd unknowingly interrupted their date the other night, she just wasn't in the mood to deal with him. He clearly wanted to be friends, and that wasn't something she was interested in. Not so much because of their past, at least not anymore, but because the more time she spent with him in the present, the more unlikeable she found him.

"Sure," Matt said.

"Thanks babe," Gabby told him.

When they entered the firehouse, Gabby handed him her stuff, and then the couple went their separate ways. Matt to the locker room and then his office. Gabby to the kitchen with shopping bags containing bread and eggs in hand so that she could make french toast. She had just put the first batch of coated bread in the frying pan when she discovered that her plan hadn't worked out nearly as well she'd hoped, only buying her a few extra minutes.

"Hey," the sound of Cordova's voice startled her.

"Cordova," she said quietly not taking her eyes off the stove.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he must have noticed how she'd jumped when he first spoke.

"I just wasn't expecting anyone to come up behind me," she replied. At least she wasn't expecting him. One of her friends wouldn't have startled her that much.

"I wanted to check in and see how your neck was. I never really to ask about it the other night," Cordova informed her. As he spoke, Gabby's hands automatically went to the bandage that was still covering up her stitches.

"Ummm…It's fine. Thanks for asking," she figured that was the polite thing to say.

"I'm glad. I get that you don't want to talk about it, and I won't try pushing again, but you had me worried. I was glad to see you seemed okay at Molly's," he added.

"I'm pretty sure I had everyone worried," Gabby demurred. "Especially my husband."

"You know it's been good to see you again after all this time," Cordova paused hoping Gabby would agree. When she didn't say anything, he continued. "We should hang out sometime and catch up. I'd love to know what you've been up to over the years."

"Nothing all that exciting," Gabby finally said something, hoping to cut him off at the pass.

"I somehow doubt that. How about breakfast after shift tomorrow?" Cordova didn't get the hint.

"Well, Matt and I came together this morning so," Gabby started, hoping it would allow her to turn Cordova down without hurting his feelings.

"I can always drive and then drop you off at home," Cordova offered. That would actually work well; it would give him a reason to spend more time with her.

"I can't do breakfast tomorrow," Gabby said as her eyes started roaming the room, looking desperately for one of her friends to come over and get her out of this conversation. She didn't want to be rude, but she also had no desire to catch up with Cordova or grab breakfast with him or really do anything other than be polite and cordial coworkers.

"How about –" Cordova started to offer another idea only to be cut off by Kidd, who'd noticed the pleading look in Gabby's eye.

"Hey, what's for breakfast?" Kidd interrupted as she approached.

"French toast," Gabby replied before giving her friend a subtle, grateful smile.

"Oh. Yum," Kidd said. "Need a hand?"

"Sure," Gabby accepted Kidd's offer, grateful for the chance it gave her to avoid any further one on one with Cordova. Although maybe it would have been better if someone else came to hang out with her. If Cordova kept trying to get her catch up with him, Kidd would probably think it supported her ridiculous theory that he was interested in her romantically when it was likely nothing more than him seeing her as an ally in a house that was still against him and trying to be friends. In hindsight, maybe she shouldn't have tried to be welcoming when he'd first shown up.

For his part, Cordova stood awkwardly watching the two women cook and trying to figure out what to do. He was annoyed that Kidd had interrupted his conversation with Gabby, and he wasn't quite sure if he should continue to make plans with Gabby with Kidd right there. It's not like he wanted Kidd there when he and Gabby got reacquainted, but the woman might consider it offensive if they made plans right in front of her and didn't include her. And given how defensive Gabby was around him the other night, she'd probably rope Kidd into it to keep herself form winding up in a situation where she'd be able to rediscover her feelings for him let alone acknowledge them. Yet, he really wanted to have something planned now. Then at least he'd have a definitive opening with her. Still, with twenty four hours left in the shift, he should have plenty of other opportunities to find a time to hang out with Gabby. He'd just need to make sure he could get her alone again.

Now that he'd decided to wait to finish his conversation with Gabby, Jake needed to decide what to do next. Given how annoyed he was with Kidd interrupting his moment, he had no desire to talk to her. He had a strong desire to stay near Gabby though, and it might look weird if he wandered off simply because someone else had joined their conversation.

"Everything go okay with your neighbor's dog?" he asked Kidd, deciding it would look good if he stayed and talked to both women and that the time with Gabby was worth it. Hopefully, his tone didn't betray him.

"Huh?" Kidd asked, forgetting the lie she'd told him so that she and Severide could ditch him at Molly's.

"He wasn't all restless from being in the crate for the evening. You said he couldn't handle it," Cordova added. The words were enough to bring the story back to Kidd.

"He was barking a bit when we got home but was fine as soon as we got him out of the crate. Didn't have any other problems and Cristina was by around 9 to pick him up," Kidd claimed. "How was the rest of your night?"

"I wound up leaving not long after you did," Cordova answered.

Before anyone could say anything else, the alarm went off, calling the house to a fire. While Cordova immediately started to follow the rest of the men towards the apparatus floor, Gabby and Kidd had to take a minute to turn off the stove, allowing them to follow a safe distance behind.

"I thought you were allergic to dogs," Gabby said quietly in order to ensure that Cordova was far enough ahead to not overhead.

"I am, but Severide and I needed an excuse to head home and dog-sitting was the first thing I could think of," Kidd explained. "It's not like Cordova would have any reason to think I'm allergic or that wasn't really a dog in our apartment."

"True," Gabby said as they stepped onto the apparatus floor. "When we get back, I need to talk to you."

"Sure," Kidd said right before the two ladies went their separate ways, Gabby turning towards the Ambo and Kidd going straight towards the Truck.

* * *

"Hey Captain. Do you have a minute?" Kidd stuck her head in Casey's office shortly after Truck, Squad, and Engine returned from the fire. Casey had headed straight to his office when they got back, presumably to get started on the paperwork, while most of the men had retreated to the common room. She'd joined them at first but quickly grew restless, and it didn't help that she could have sworn that Cordova kept glancing towards the door that led to apparatus floor right by where 61 was usually parked. Ambo had taken someone to Med instead of returning directly to 51, and it was as if Cordova was looking for Dawson or at least waiting anxiously for her return. That was enough to make her decide that she needed to talk to Casey.

"What can I do for you Kidd?" Casey turned towards her and leaned back in his chair.

"I need to talk to you about Cordova," she closed the door behind her.

"I know he hasn't been easy to work with. He's brash and arrogant and goes off on his own, but it's only temporary. Otis will be back, and he was better about listening this time," Casey started.

"Not that he's been a joy to work with or anything, but that's not why I wanted to talk about him," Kidd cut in. "You're my boss and we're at work so maybe this is out of line, but I need to talk to you about Cordova and Dawson."

"Gabby mentioned that you think he has feelings for her," Casey replied.

"Yeah. At first, I was teasing her more than anything. She told me about her past with him, and –" Kidd started.

"She did?" Matt couldn't help interrupting. The idea that Gabby had willingly told Kidd everything when she hadn't been able to tell him everything stung. To be fair he didn't actually know the extent of what Gabby had told her let alone if it was everything, but it sounded like that was at least a possibility.

"Well, she told me he was the guy she was dating back when I knew her before and that she'd hurt you when she didn't tell you. I think she just felt bad about how upset you seemed to be and needed a friend," Kidd reassured him. "I don't know if I would have seen it if she hadn't said anything, but the way Cordova was acting when that guy grabbed her last shift, and I swear I saw him staring at the ambo like a lost puppy when I looked out the sideview mirror as we left for Med. It looked to me like he sees her as more than a colleague, like maybe he still cares about her or wants her or something. Dawson thought the whole idea was ridiculous, and at first, I figured the whole thing was probably harmless and didn't really mean anything. Now though I'm not so sure.

"Dawson would tell me I'm crazy if I said this to her, but something just doesn't seem right. I told her I was going to keep an eye on Cordova. I thought that I was pretty much joking around when I said it though, you know ribbing her about the idea that even after all these years her ex might still have feelings for her. I guess I really have been keeping an eye on him though. I didn't mean to, but the more I see of him, the more alarm bells start going off, and I can't help it. And yes, some of it is little things like how he didn't want dinner until Dawson showed up the other day and how after he upset her when he wouldn't let that guy grabbing her go and she left, he tried to follow her too. But some of it is bigger things, patterns really. Have you noticed how whenever she's not around, he seems to be looking for her or lurking like he's just waiting for her to show up? Then when she's around, it's like she's all he sees. Did you notice how when he ran into the four of us at Molly's the other night, he practically ignored you, me, and Severide but was all about Dawson. He kept looking at her and trying to talk to her and only her. It was almost as if he was pretending we weren't there. Then there's the way he looks at her and you. I swear he just stares at her with lust in his eyes and then looks at you with nothing but disdain. And he was disturbed anytime he saw the two of you being all happily married. I saw a couple flashes of it last shift and then all night at Molly's. They didn't last long. It was like he was on guard to squash them as soon as they appeared, like he knew he had to hide it. They were there though. I know they were, and nothing about any of this is how someone normally acts around their ex whether they still have feelings for them or not.

"I'm not saying you have any reason to be jealous. We're talking about you and Dawson, and we both know how much she loves you and the type of person she is. But I think you should be concerned. If you still had feelings for your ex and had to watch her and her husband, wouldn't you just try to avoid them instead of interjecting yourself into their lives and secretly making faces?"

"Kidd, I get your point," Matt finally interjected as the firefighter continued to ramble on.

"Good. I don't know what he's going to do or what he's capable of, but I know this isn't all in my head so I wanted to make sure you knew too. I know you'll keep an eye out and would never let anything happen to her," Kidd said.

"And I appreciate you letting me know what you think his deal is," Matt told Kidd. He meant it, but he wasn't sure he completely bought Kidd's view of the situation. Sure, Cordova had continually rubbed him the wrong way and grated on his nerves, and something had felt off about the man's attitude towards his wife for a while now. At the same time, he had to agree with Gabby that the man harboring feelings for her after all this time seemed like a stretch, especially considering how Cordova had had another serious girlfriend back then. He still thought his theory that seeing a woman he used to date happily married to someone else was an affront to the man's ego. But if he and Kidd both felt that something wasn't quite right with the man, that was something he couldn't ignore, especially not when his wife was potentially in the middle of it.

* * *

Once Ambulance 61 returned to quarters, Gabby found herself on a mission. Hopping out of the ambo, her eyes quickly scanned the apparatus floor. Not seeing who she was looking for, she headed inside. Her first stop was the common room, where her attention was momentarily pulled away from her search by a voice calling for her.

"Hey Gabby," Cordova said as he got up and started walking towards her.

"Hi. Have you seen Kidd?" she asked when she didn't see the woman.

"No. Sorry," Cordova hadn't been paying attention to whether or not Kidd was there, but he assumed Gabby wouldn't be asking the question if she was in the room. Figuring it might be beneficial to help her look, he quickly added. "Do you want –"

"She was here earlier. Not sure where she went," Hermann piped in, cutting Cordova off.

"Thanks," Gabby replied.

She turned and headed out of the common room before Cordova could even speak again. He was tempted to go after her but didn't want to look suspicious. He'd have to settle for catching her later and silently cursing Hermann for interrupting his moment.

Meanwhile Gabby continued her search, heading into the bunkroom. When she realized that Kidd wasn't on her bunk, another wave of disappointment initially hit her. She was about to round the corner towards the locker room when she glanced towards the laundry room to check if Kidd was in there. In doing so, she was able to glance into Matt's office where her friend appeared to be talking to her husband.

She approached Matt's office and knocked on the door. A moment later, Kidd had turned around and opened the door, allowing her to poke her head into the room.

"I'll leave the two of you alone," Kidd assumed Dawson was here to see Casey.

"Actually, I was looking for you," Gabby informed the other woman. "I need to talk to you privately."

"Okay," Kidd said.

Gabby turned to give her husband a smile before starting to guide Kidd out of Matt's office.

"Hey Kidd," Matt called after them. "Thanks."

"You're welcome Captain," Kidd replied.

"Should I ask what you were talking to my husband about so privately?" Gabby asked once she and Kidd were hidden by the washer and dryer.

"He is my commanding officer," Kidd demurred since she didn't think Dawson would be receptive to her theories about Cordova.

"I know. I know, and that's not really what I wanted to know anyways. I need to know what you told Severide," Gabby replied.

"What I told Severide about what?" Kidd wasn't following.

"About me and Cordova. The other night you promised Severide that you'd fill him in on the way home," Gabby didn't want to think Kidd would betray her confidence. That didn't sound like the friend she knew, but Kidd's whole attitude towards Cordova that night and her comments about Gabby and Cordova must have been explained to Severide.

"I didn't tell him that the two of you had dated or anything. I promised not to tell anyone," Kidd reassured her. "But I didn't lie to him either. I told him that Cordova acts like he has feelings for you and wants to get in your pants, and that for some reason you think the whole idea is ridiculous even though if you look closely enough it's obvious."

"And I bet you he thought you were crazy too, didn't he?" Gabby replied.

"He didn't really say, but he's a guy. It's not like he'd be looking for or picking up on those things," Kidd defended her position. "I on the other hand know exactly what to look for."

"Notice how you're the only one who sees anything there. The possibility that he wants me or something hasn't crossed anyone else's mind. Has it occurred to you that maybe you just got this idea in your head and are seeing things that aren't there because of it?" Gabby asked.

"Well aside from Brett, they're all guys. Again not exactly the type of people who would be picking up on anything, especially when it seems like Cordova's trying to hide it. And aside from Casey, I'm the only one who knows that you two were ever more than colleagues so that gives me an advantage," Kidd argued. So much for not getting into this with Dawson. "It seems to me that for some reason you're in denial about what's really going on with the guy, and I know you love Casey. Maybe that's blinding you to –"

"My marriage isn't blinding me to anything," Gabby disagreed. "I know what happened between me and Cordova. You don't. I'm the one who was there and lived through it. That means I'm the one who can see things clearly here."

"Or maybe that's what's blinding you to what's right in front of you," Kidd replied. "Look I'm not asking you to tell me what exactly happened between you and Cordova. You clearly don't want to talk about it or you would have told Casey everything from the get go, but can you at least explain to me why you think Cordova having feelings for you is so crazy?"

"Because for him to have feelings for me and want me back, he'd have to have had feelings for me in the first place, and he didn't," Gabby gave in and started to explain. She wouldn't tell Kidd the whole story. Between how hard it had been for her to tell Matt, how he'd reacted to her not being able to tell him, and the fact that she really didn't want to say it all again, that wasn't even an option. But she'd say enough to hopefully get Kidd to see that there was absolutely no way Cordova was interested in her.

"He was just using me for sex. The dates and the conversations and the flowers, those things weren't because he liked me or enjoyed spending time with me. Okay maybe he did enjoy spending time with me, but it wasn't because of those things. He enjoyed the time he spent fucking me. It wasn't about me as a person or because he cared about or liked me never mind loved me. The whole relationship only happened because he knew I wasn't going to let him put his dick in me if he wasn't my boyfriend, and that was all he wanted from me," she continued. "How long it took me to see that is embarrassing, but when I broke up with him, it was because it was finally obviously that to him the whole point of our relationship was sex. All he really wanted from me was what he getting in the bedroom not love.

"And if that was all Cordova wanted back then, why would he want something else now? Why would he suddenly years later, after not seeing me for over a decade, decide that now, when he barely knows me, he has real feelings for me? The idea that he wants a real relationship with me now just doesn't make sense. If he wanted anything from me, it would just be sex. Who has meaningless sex with someone and after not seeing that person for years, decides they need to have sex with them again? No matter how great the sex was that's just absurd. Besides for meaningless sex, I'm the last person it would make sense for Cordova to go after, and there's a lot of other women he'd have an easier time getting into bed. I mean there's no chance he'd ever get me into bed again. No one other than Casey ever will. I mean going after someone who's happily married is a waste of time. Plus, going after your boss's wife is always a bad move. I happen to be both so I'm sure I'm the last person whose pants he would want to get in, especially when trust me, the guy's smooth and wouldn't have any problem finding someone to sleep with."

"But –" Kidd started.

"No buts," Gabby cut her off. "I appreciate you looking out for me, and I know you honestly think Cordova wants me back or something and are trying to be a good friend. The thing is for there to be something there, there would have had to be something there in the first place, and there wasn't. And it's not like he's some psycho stalker who'd try to hurt me or Matt so there's no reason for you to worry. He's got a massive ego and he's a lousy boyfriend, but he's also a firefighter so there's some amount of human decency in him."

"Whatever you say," Kidd replied. She didn't completely agree with Dawson. While she thought her friend had made some valid points, she also thought the woman's perspective was colored by her view of her own past and that view didn't exactly mesh with the present. Dawson's argument made sense if you were talking about a rational, logical man. She knew what she was seeing though, and she was an objective third party. Her instincts were screaming at her, telling her that Cordova was not a rational, logical man, and that meant Dawson's argument might not hold water. No. She was still going to worry and still try to keep an eye on things. She just wasn't sure what to say to her friend.

"Ambulance 61," the alarm suddenly sounded.

"Gotta go," Gabby said once the call had finished coming in before turning and running towards the ambo.

"Saved by the bell," Kidd muttered as soon as Dawson was out of earshot.

* * *

Jake was bored and irritated. Why couldn't Gabby have stayed and talked to him? What could she have needed Kidd for that he couldn't provide? Maybe he should be grateful that it hadn't been Casey she'd been so determined to see, and he was, but how was he supposed to win her back if he couldn't get her to spend time with him? Instead he was stuck here by himself, listening to how everyone else was happily engaged in conversation and that just rubbed salt in the wound. He should be happily engaged in his own conversation with Gabby right now.

The sound of everyone's voices was getting on his last nerve. He wasn't exactly sure how long it had been since Gabby left the room. It felt like hours, but he knew it couldn't have been nearly that long. Probably not even ten minutes. Five might be a reasonable guess. Still, it had been long enough that he was sure no one would tie his exit to Dawson, and he needed to walk off the irritation that was building within him so he quietly got up and headed out of the room.

As he walked through the hall, his intent was to just wander aimlessly and try to clear his head. Passing the door to bunkroom, he headed in there. After taking several steps into the room, he realized he heard voices. Female voices. Gabby must have found Kidd. Only as he looked around the room, he didn't see them. It was only when he walked further into it that he realized the voices were coming from the laundry room. A smile formed on his face when he realized that no one else was around. Well, Casey was in his office, but the door was closed, and the captain appeared to be immersed in something on his desk, probably paperwork. The specifics didn't matter though. All that mattered was that it meant he wasn't paying attention to what was going on in the bunkroom so Jake was free to eavesdrop. Quietly, he continued his trek through the bunkroom, stopping so that he was leaning against the wall in front of the bed closest to the laundry room.

"The whole relationship only happened because he knew I wasn't going to let him put his dick in me if he wasn't my boyfriend, and that was all he wanted from me," he heard Gabby say, and he couldn't help wondering what this was all about. As much as he wished this was a reference to something in her marriage, it didn't sound like that was the relationship she was talking about. But then why was she going into some past relationship with Kidd now? What made that so urgent? And how could someone do that to her? He promised himself that once they were back together, she'd always feel completely loved and never have any reason to think about past relationships.

"And if that was all Cordova wanted back then," the sound of his own name caused Cordova to once again focus on Gabby's words. The past relationship she was talking about was their relationship. He wasn't surprised she thought he'd simply been using her for sex. Given her reaction when she'd found out about Diana, he'd long suspected it, but it still hurt to hear her say it out loud. At least she was thinking about him though. His return to her life must have stirred up something within her. Things just might be moving faster than he'd realized. Why else would she be talking about their past with Kidd right now? She was probably hoping her friend would tell her to let it all go or at least seeking advice from someone she trusted.

"The idea that he wants a real relationship with me now just doesn't make sense," it sounded like she was trying to talk herself out of thinking they could have a future. He must have definitely stirred up feelings within her. Her heart must still want him, but her head was telling her it was a bad idea.

"No matter how great the sex was that's just absurd. Besides for meaningless sex, I'm the last person it would make sense for Cordova to go after," finally something that was nice to hear. They did have great sex, amazing really, and for Gabby to still be acknowledging that years later was a compliment. And at least that wasn't something he'd have to remind her of. Instead the moment they got back together, she'd probably be filled with anticipation and eager to have him touch her and inside her again.

"I appreciate you looking out for me, and I know you honestly think Cordova wants me back or something and are trying to be a good friend," hold on had Kidd figured out that he wanted Gabby back? Was the whole reason the two of them were having this conversation because Kidd knew he was determined to end that ridiculous marriage? If so, did that mean he had misinterpreted the whole exchange. No, he couldn't believe that he had. Gabby had to be trying to convincer herself just as much as she was trying to convince Kidd. What they shared was too special for her not to still feel something strong. That really shouldn't be his concern right now though. If Kidd was indeed onto him, he was going to need to come up with some way to distract her. There was no doubt in his mind that his plan would still work even if Kidd, who clearly wanted Gabby with Casey, tried to interfere. He and Gabby were soulmates after all, but it would be harder and take longer if Kidd was working against him. He needed her, and everyone else, thinking that he had no interest in Gabby at least not as anything more than a friendly coworker.

The bells went off, making it likely that at least one of Gabby and Kidd was about to come his way. He couldn't let either of them realize he'd been eavesdropping, especially not if Kidd was already suspicious. While the details of the call were still coming in, he quietly made his way back towards the door. He opened it and then let it loudly close, taking what would appear to be his first few steps into the bunkroom just as Gabby emerged from the laundry room. As he walked further into the room, towards his bunk, she rushed by him, not even acknowledging him. He couldn't really blame her for that though, not when ambo had just been called out, but he couldn't help wishing she had. Reaching his bunk, he took a seat. He wasn't really sure what he was going to do to make it look like he'd come in here with a purpose but figured it would look suspicious if he came in and then immediately left so he needed to come up with something quickly.

"Cordova," Kidd spotted him as soon as she emerged from the laundry room.

"Kidd," he acknowledged in return.

"You and I need to talk," she informed him.

"Okay," Jake tried to sound like he had no idea where this was going even though after what he'd overheard, he was pretty sure he could make an educated guess.

"What was that the other night?" Kidd crossed her arms as she stood at the foot on his bunk.

"What was what?" at least he didn't have to put on an act for the moment. He really wasn't following right now.

"The way you were acting when we were at Molly's the other night. That was supposed to be a couples' evening by the way," Kidd clarified.

"Sorry. I didn't realize," Jake lied. "But I'm not sure what you mean by the way I was acting. I was just trying to be friendly and fit in."

"Yeah, friendly to Dawson," Kidd retorted. "Seemed to me like you wished the rest of us weren't there. I mean you practically ignored Casey, Severide, and me while constantly staring at and talking to Dawson. You were as all over her as you could be without actually being all over her."

"I'm sorry you felt that way," this time his words weren't a lie. He was sorry she felt that way. She'd clearly picked up on something she wasn't supposed to.

"Look, Dawson and Casey love each other. They're happily married, and it's pretty clear to anyone who actually knows them that they're meant to be," Kidd explained. "I don't know what exactly your relationship with Dawson was, but it's in the past. She's not gonna leave her husband for you or anyone else so any feelings for her that you're holding onto you need to let go of. They're just a waste of your time."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Cordova hoped she'd interpret it as a reference to him holding onto feelings as she'd put it. In reality though, it was about Gabby and Casey, the idea that they were meant to be, that she'd never leave Casey. He couldn't disagree more, but he couldn't risk her realizing that. To be safe he added, "Maybe I do find it easier to talk to Dawson than the rest of you. I knew her once, and she's the only one whose welcomed me here. The rest of you clearly just resent me because I'm not Otis, but I'm not holding onto any delusions about her and me. If anything, I want what's best for her." And that was the truth. He was what's best for her, and eventually Gabby and everyone else would see that. And he wasn't holding onto delusions, he was holding onto reality: he and Gabby belonged together. It was Kidd who was delusional, thinking that Gabby could possibly belong with Casey let alone be happier with the man.

"Good," Kidd said before turning and walking away, leaving Cordova alone in the bunkroom.

Yeah, he was definitely going to have be more careful, especially around the female firefighter.

* * *

Cordova found himself once again being ignored as he made dinner. Squad wasn't in the room. He suspected that they were probably out at their table on the apparatus floor; they seemed to spend a lot of time out there. Truck was gathered around the common room along with the medics. The whole group was hanging out together, engaged in conversation, the strong friendship between them all shining through. No one had even made an attempt to pull him into the conversation though. He thought about trying to interject but wasn't even sure where to begin.

Just as the oven beeped to signal that he could put the food in, he was pulled back towards the conversation by the sound of Gabby laughing. It was a great sound, and he couldn't help looking up towards the table where she sat, trying to pick up on what was said, only to be greeted by the image of Casey wrapping an arm around her as she leaned into him. Not wanting to see any more, he turned his attention back towards the food.

"What's for dinner?" Cruz suddenly asked as he came in from the floor and headed towards the kitchen.

"Salmon teriyaki," Jake answered as he looked up and realized that Cruz's question had brought the conversation to a halt. Everyone's focus was on him now.

"Fish seriously," Otis made a face.

"What's wrong with fish?" Jake asked.

"Ummm…let's see. It smells and is all slimy," Mouch replied. "I eat too much of it at home. Since my heart attack, Trudy makes it all the time. You couldn't have gone with actual meat or something."

"Told you," Kidd smirked as she remembered their conversation on this exact subject at Molly's the other night.

"Well, I for one like salmon and am looking forward to it. I'm sure it'll be great," Gabby interjected. She didn't mean anything by it. She was just stating a fact and trying to calm the house down. The last thing anyone needed, especially Matt, was to have Truck 81 fighting over dinner.

"Thanks Gabby," Jake said. What she meant wasn't going to stop him from interpreting her words how he wanted to. As far as he was concerned, this was her standing up for him against her friends, and that made him happy. Despite Kidd warning him that 51 would react this way, he'd made the salmon for Gabby. He'd wanted to make her happy, and maybe on some level he was hoping it would turn out this way, that she'd appreciate the mean and take his side against her friends.

Meanwhile, Kidd gave Gabby a quick glare. The last thing Dawson should be doing was encouraging Cordova, and judging by the man's body language, that seemed to be what had happened.

"I think salmon was a great idea too. We never have fish here," Brett smiled at him. "And Mouch, its good for you and your heart. That's why Trudy keeps making it."

* * *

Jake checked his water-proof watch in order to make sure he timed this right. Satisfied that shift would have ended a few minutes ago, he turned the shower off and grabbed his towel. Gabby should be in the locker room getting ready to head out. With any luck her husband wouldn't be with her, but even if he was, Jake trusted that she'd still get a nice look at his dripping wet chest. Another, better, idea quickly came to him though. He'd "accidentally" dropping his towel so that she could see him in all his glory.

With that idea in mind, he loosely wrapped his towel around his waist. This way it was well positioned to fall down without him having to do anything, and he'd be able to get away with it. Then he headed towards the locker room, pleased to discover that he heard Gabby's voice. And best of all she was talking to a woman, not Casey. Although he couldn't tell who.

As he waked further into the room, he found Gabby already in her civilian clothes, leaning down to tie her shoes, her back was partially turned towards him. Brett was the woman with her; the blonde leaning against the lockers, blabbering about something. He tried to tune her out so he could focus solely on Gabby. Passing by where they were standing, he felt a pair of eyes on him. He hoped it was Gabby, but when he looked, he saw that Brett was the one staring at him. At least Gabby looked up after a moment to see what had grabbed her partners attention. He smiled at Gabby only Brett must have thought the smile was intended for her. The blonde was the one to smile back.

"Cordova seems like a good guy," Brett commented, her eyes still on him.

"Yeah," Gabby mumbled in response.

"I'm always looking for one of those," Brett added. "And he's hot too. I mean did you just see that body."

She must have thought she was being quiet, especially when she'd said that last part about him being hot, but Jake had heard every word. He decided he'd keep listening, but Gabby didn't reply. Instead he heard Casey's voice a few seconds later as the captain came walking into the locker room. When he joined Gabby and Brett, the conversation shifted to other topics.

As he grabbed his clothes out of his locker and started putting them on, Jake was disappointed that his towel hadn't fallen. He should have made it even looser. The disappointment was quickly pushed aside though as Brett's words from earlier reverberated in his head. She thought he was hot. She liked him and that gave him an idea. A way to get Kidd to let go of her suspicions, and hopefully, a way to make Gabby jealous and help his cause. There couldn't be any real harm in it. It was simply a misdirect, and when they got back together, everyone would believe that he'd respected that Gabby was married and appeared to have moved on, not that he'd schemed to get her back.

"Hey Brett," he called once he was fully dressed. Turning towards her, it looked like she appeared to be going through her bag, like she was looking for her keys. She must be getting ready to leave. Gabby was still there too, now sitting on the bench while Casey's head was in his locker.

"Yeah," Brett looked up.

"Do you want to have dinner sometime?" he asked.

"Sure," she smiled at him again.

"How about Friday night?" he followed up.

"Perfect," she replied.

With Jake now fully dressed, he and Brett headed out of the locker room together so that they could plan their date.

Meanwhile, Gabby watched them leave, wondering what she should do. Only Matt and Kidd knew that there was more to her past with Cordova, and she really didn't want anyone else to know. Now Brett was about to go out with him, and she also didn't want her partner to go through what she went through or what Diana went through. This turn of events meant she was going to have to figure out what to do and when, how much to share with Brett or if there was another way to protect the woman. Whatever happened, she was pretty sure it wasn't going to be fun.


End file.
